Friday, 24 February 2017


What kind of pen only writes in one language?

An Ara-BIC.

Thursday, 23 February 2017


What do you call it when one dog asks another dog to get married?

A pro-paws-al.

Wednesday, 22 February 2017


What do you call the section of the underworld in which sugar-free dieters are forced to consume sweets?


Tuesday, 21 February 2017


What kind of baked good tends to fall off cliffs?


Monday, 20 February 2017


What is a computer programmer's favourite herb?


Sunday, 19 February 2017


What product is the most difficult for greengrocers to transport?



A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was feeling lack-a-day-sical.

Friday, 17 February 2017


What is the best thing about people who don't own books?

They are often shelfless.

Thursday, 16 February 2017


Early supporters of emails viewed the defendants of alternate methods of digital transmission as a dying faxtion.

Wednesday, 15 February 2017


Why did the jail warden have perfect skin?

He was an expert at preventing breakouts.

Tuesday, 14 February 2017


What kind of poison can be made with printer ink?


Monday, 13 February 2017

Sunday, 12 February 2017


What do you call a mattress upon which you can lie more than once?


Saturday, 11 February 2017


Why did the manicurist go to the gym?


A: Hold on, aren't we going to talk about the fact that the last two days were both posts for the previous? What happened?

B: The writer was trying to increase his muscle mass.

A: How does a three day backlog on the schedule serve-

B: He wanted to get buffer.


A: Why was there no post yesterday as well?

B: There was a post yesterday.

A: Yes, but it was just about why there wasn't a post the day before.

B: Because yesterday, the writer decided to create purely theatre.

A: How can you possibly explain-?

B: All of these subsequent explanation dialogues were just post-scripts.

Friday, 10 February 2017


A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was changing from a preferential voting system.

A: That makes no-

B: Yesterday was the first past the post.

Wednesday, 8 February 2017


How do forest-guarding creatures achieve their potential?

With elf-help books.

Tuesday, 7 February 2017


"I feel so peaceful, coach."

"A bit sleepy, though, coach."

Sixtus gazed glumly from his star quarterback to the rest of his team, who were staggering into each other and giggling. He sighed.

"I said, get into the end zone. Not the Endone, the end zone."

Monday, 6 February 2017


What do you call someone who makes sly plans involving decorative arts?


Sunday, 5 February 2017


Darren regretted having his bathroom designed by toddlers; the resulting design was very infant-tile.

Saturday, 4 February 2017


What fruit is favoured by supporters of circular logic in categorical imperative philosophy?


Friday, 3 February 2017


What do you call an ill-humoured lever operator?


Thursday, 2 February 2017


The lingerie model tried desperately to stop playing video games, but she had an ass that wouldn't quit.

Wednesday, 1 February 2017


What do you call people who must return to an Asian island after finding Jesus?

Borneo-again Christians.

Tuesday, 31 January 2017


What magical object could only be used to measure the body fat percentage of the true king?


Monday, 30 January 2017


What do you call the study of the financial impact of sustainable eating?


Sunday, 29 January 2017


Martina the leatherworker was deeply concerned that the beauty industry would put her out of business; she had fundamentally misunderstood the operational procedures of a tanning salon.

Saturday, 28 January 2017


What do you call the chrysalis in which calves are wrapped to mature into adults?

A cow-coon.

Friday, 27 January 2017


What process do new birds undergo when joining a pond?


Thursday, 26 January 2017


What do ibises celebrate on the 26th of January?

Bin-vasion Day.

Wednesday, 25 January 2017


What do you call an inclination towards particular purchases?

A buy-as.

Tuesday, 24 January 2017


What devices are used for the public humiliation of cows?

Beef stocks.

Monday, 23 January 2017


Sandy was deeply dedicated to cosplaying as a classical musician; every day, she practised her LARPeggios.

Sunday, 22 January 2017


Marco was very methodical when organising Christmas presents for his female siblings; he was very sister-matic.

Saturday, 21 January 2017

Friday, 20 January 2017


What did the crows do when they wanted to go into business?

They formed a caw-poration.

Thursday, 19 January 2017

Wednesday, 18 January 2017


What did the dogs do in the dog government?

They developed paw-licy.

Tuesday, 17 January 2017


What do you call inventiveness in taverns?


Monday, 16 January 2017


What heuristic self-awareness exercise must be completed in a great rush?

The Jo-hurry window.

Sunday, 15 January 2017


What underwater creature is known for the tight security systems around its babies?

The Lock Nest Monster.

Saturday, 14 January 2017


At first, the scientists thought it impossible that the main pollinating insect could go extinct; they found it un-bee-leave-able.

Friday, 13 January 2017


What do you call a section of a book about a British everyman?

A chap-ter.

Thursday, 12 January 2017


What do you call it when someone's spine is damaged by their education?


Wednesday, 11 January 2017


What do you call someone who runs a clowning workshop?

A fa-silly-tator.

Tuesday, 10 January 2017


What area of eastern Europe is noted for its variants of baseball using tin cylinders?

The Ball-can Peninsula.

Monday, 9 January 2017


What do you call the process of lulling patients to sleep prior to surgery by having them watch the dance of a stripper?


Sunday, 8 January 2017


Long after being liberated from the sweatshop, Yaxi wore the little metal cap on his index finger each morning, as a thimble of his oppression.

Saturday, 7 January 2017


How did the homosexual feel after being in the closet for years?


Friday, 6 January 2017


Why did Brenton refuse to accept an Australian car from his employer?

He wanted to be be-Holden to no one.