Thursday, 27 April 2017

#2138

What do you call the sound that your stomach makes when it is hungry for liquor?

Rum-bling.

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

#2137

What do you call the coordinator of a telephone switchboard who reviews classical singing performances?

The opera-rater.

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

#2136

Why do people with coeliac disorder never do squats?

They're allergic to glutes.

Monday, 24 April 2017

#2135

What cheese is the least favourite of prisoners?

Fetter cheese.

Sunday, 23 April 2017

#2134

What do you call a scorned woman who ruins jokes?

A funny foiler.

Saturday, 22 April 2017

Friday, 21 April 2017

#2132

Nicole fiercely guarded all the objects that she had torn from the grasp of others; they were her prised possessions.

Thursday, 20 April 2017

#2131

Which fictional bear is the softest fictional bear?

Paddington.

Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

#2129

What do you call disgusting purchases from a supermarket?

Gross-eries.

Monday, 17 April 2017

#2128

What do fruit vendors use to provide evidence for their opinions?

Facts and fig-ures.

Sunday, 16 April 2017

Saturday, 15 April 2017

#2126

What do you call the study of irate farmers?

Angry-culture.

Friday, 14 April 2017

#2125

What do you call an homage to a shoe?

A tri-boot.

#2124

A: Why wasn't there a post yesterday?

B: The writer was too angry about the lack of electricity to write anything.

A: What do you mean?

B: There was a power outrage.

A: And also he couldn't post to this blog if there was no power?

B: No, that joke's been cut.

Wednesday, 12 April 2017

#2123

What kind of fabric is named after the creases left in it by buttocks?

Sat-in.

Tuesday, 11 April 2017

#2122

What is the appropriate way to phrase a request for the withdrawal of a record from a playlist?

"Scratch that."

Monday, 10 April 2017

#2121

What do you call the students of a church furniture designer?

Pew-pils.

Sunday, 9 April 2017

#2120

Tahlia the rugby referee hated high-scoring games; they were always a trying time.

Saturday, 8 April 2017

#2119

What is a bird's favourite scientific instrument?

A beaker.

Friday, 7 April 2017

#2118

What do you call it when archaeologists hold a party where they gather leg bones?

A shindig.

Thursday, 6 April 2017

#2117

What is the favourite team building exercise of bakers?

Crust falls.

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

#2116

A: Out of all the ancient cultures, the Egyptians had the coolest cats.

B: No, the coolest cats were in the Jazztecs.

Tuesday, 4 April 2017

#2115

What did the miner say about the other miner who had found a vein of ore?

"Get a lode of this guy!"

Monday, 3 April 2017

Guest Post #7 - Ben Volchok

"Boo" - ghost heckler

---

Ben Volchok is on Twitter.
His show Ben's Illustrious Fact Show and the Case of the Stolen Fact Book is on this week at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Sunday, 2 April 2017

Guest Post #6 - Ben Volchok

If they printed the weather on coins it would be climate change.

---

Ben Volchok is on Twitter.
His show Ben's Illustrious Fact Show and the Case of the Stolen Fact Book is on this week at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Saturday, 1 April 2017

Guest Post #5 - Ben Volchok

I really appreciate you getting me this Mexican walking fish. Thanksalotl.

---

Ben Volchok is on Twitter.
His show Ben's Illustrious Fact Show and the Case of the Stolen Fact Book is on this week at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Friday, 31 March 2017

Guest Post #4 - Ben Volchok

Talk
Chalk
Hawk
Cork
Dork
Pork
Stork
Fork
Balk
Orc
Squawk
Torque
New York
Peter Falk
Mickey Rourke

(I have committed walk rhymes)

---

Ben Volchok is on Twitter.
His show Ben's Illustrious Fact Show and the Case of the Stolen Fact Book is on this week at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Thursday, 30 March 2017

Guest Post #3 - Ben Volchok

"Words cannot express how much I love you" - Wittgenstein breaking up with someone

---

Ben Volchok is on Twitter.
His show Ben's Illustrious Fact Show and the Case of the Stolen Fact Book is on this week at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Guest Post #2 - Ben Volchok

If life gets you down, make a pillow.

---

Ben Volchok is on Twitter.
His show Ben's Illustrious Fact Show and the Case of the Stolen Fact Book is on this week at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Guest Post #1 - Ben Volchok

waiter: "what'll it be?"
me: "two cacciatore"
waiter: "you have to think like a tory"
me: "ugh i hate waiters"
waiter: "that's a start"

---

Ben Volchok is on Twitter.
His show Ben's Illustrious Fact Show and the Case of the Stolen Fact Book is on this week at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Monday, 27 March 2017

#2114

How can you develop a tan by eating fruit?

By getting some melon-in.

Sunday, 26 March 2017

#2113

Zoey the watchmaker knew that her children loved her, quartz and all.

#2112

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was busy following the Jewish tradition of catching criminals on the Sabbath.

A: That's not a real-

B: The seventh day is a day of arrest.

Friday, 24 March 2017

#2111

What kind of cat is the most useful on a sheep farm?

A Che-shear cat.

Thursday, 23 March 2017

#2110

What do you call the colour effect achieved by dropping a photograph in the ocean?

Sea-pia.

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

#2109

What do you call a quickly performed piece of hip hop?

Rap-id.

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

#2108

What do you call someone who has only ever seen slugs being surprised by a snail?

Shell shocked.

#2106

A: Why wasn't there a post today?

B: The writer of the blog was off hunting?

A: It's not the season for-

B: It's a no-pun season!

Sunday, 19 March 2017

#2105

What do you call patients who know that they will recover?

Se-cure.

Saturday, 18 March 2017

#2104

What do you call corruption at the Olympics?

Medalling.

Friday, 17 March 2017

#2103

What do you call the act of riding a bicycle in order to put other people off their exercise?

Psych-ling.

Thursday, 16 March 2017

#2102

What do you call the process of angrily searching for food?

Fo-rage-ing.

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

#2101

What do you call poorly clothed bakery apprentices?

Ragamuffins.

Tuesday, 14 March 2017

#2100

What was the first sport designed for online play?

Netball.

Monday, 13 March 2017

#2099

What muscle do weightlifters develop when they truly believe?

The try-cep.

Sunday, 12 March 2017

#2098

After being shamed for his embarrassing stubble, Luke would do anything to shave face.

Saturday, 11 March 2017

#2097

The circus lion was exhausted of his daily routine - every day, he had to jump through hoops to achieve anything.

Friday, 10 March 2017

#2096

What kind of Mexican food can keep you warm in the winter?

Fa-heaters.

Thursday, 9 March 2017

#2095

What do you call the practice of making unsolicited visits to young male horses in order to sell them things?

Colt calling.