Wednesday, 28 September 2011


Oh, he has a speech impediment? And all along I just thought that he was a really good rapper.


A: So you say that you are filled with fresh vigour and eagerness, and that you have discovered a small country near Australia?

B: Yes indeed! I have found new zeal and New Zealand.


Jugglers commence their act by vomiting. In order to juggle, they must throw it up first.

Monday, 26 September 2011


Which coastal bird used his martial arts skills to gain a Hollywood career?

Steven Seagull.


The butcher loved to meat new people. He would then add them on Facebook and pork them.


"Eggs! Why?" said a bee.



A: You must dress formally.

B: Who's Mally? And why am I dressing for this person?


Fish can't climb trees, but they can scale buildings.

Friday, 23 September 2011

Wednesday, 21 September 2011


In the Wizard of Oz, the Tin Man always adopted a Can-Do attitude.


A: There's a dead bug on my desk.

B: That sounds pretty fly.

Wednesday, 14 September 2011


What is the technical term for using a map and compass to navigate terrain in Asia?



A: So you hate Asians and Taylor Swift?

B: Yeah, I guess I just don't like people with narrow eyes.


A: You know that woman who makes bridal outfits? She keeps saying things that indirectly sound as if she wants to cause me some harm.

B: So she who threads veils also veils threats.


I can't believe that you left it switched off. That is simply not on.


You tortured him with the inner thread of a candle? That's horribly wicked!


I am carefully avoiding any discussion regarding the telescope. If someone tries to talk to me about it, I will reply, "No comet."

Friday, 9 September 2011


I enrolled in cooking classes and film classes, but neither panned out as I'd expected.


I expect everyone to line up patiently for the seafood buffet. There's no need to clamour.


What syndrome causes humans to sprout the soft feathers which are usually found on young birds?

Down Syndrome.

Wednesday, 7 September 2011


Anger, pure, unadulterated anger

Coursed through its veins,
Raging within, as it scurried
Over the dog's back,
Searching for a hairless patch that would
Soon be the entry point

Through which it would
Insert its hypostome, and
Consume until it
Keeled over, filled with blood and fury.


A: Did you click on it?

B: No, but I gave it a cursory glance.

Sunday, 4 September 2011


Some ancient legends entertain me, but not all. They're a bit hit and myth.

Saturday, 3 September 2011


Despite its name, cosplay rarely has anything to do with lettuce.


What is the battle anthem of the Chinese navy?

Yellow Submarine.