Saturday, 31 March 2012

#291

I'm sick of hearing people talking about Earth Hour. Why won't they just knock it off?

Friday, 30 March 2012

#290

Two's company, three's a crowd, four's is mass times acceleration.

Thursday, 29 March 2012

#289

A: My latest culinary creation is based on a traditional Chinese dish, but it's a variation.

B: You're right. It does taste very Asian.

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

#287

A: I just keep wondering, why?

B: Because you have nothing better to do?

Monday, 26 March 2012

#286

Today, I was going to say something about winemaking, but I chose not to, because grape is never a joke.

Sunday, 25 March 2012

#285

If you reflect upon the cigarette industry, you will see that it is all smoke and mirrors.

Saturday, 24 March 2012

#284

The manufacturer of tennis equipment was charged with racketeering.

Friday, 23 March 2012

#283

I love stringed instruments from the Middle Ages. They sound absolutely beautiful.

Thursday, 22 March 2012

#282

1912 parent: If you think of doing something naughty, remember that God can see you.

2012 parent: If you think of doing something naughty, remember that the Google Maps van could be passing.

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

#281

What do you call an infected cavity of pus on an inflamed six-pack?

An abs-cess.

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

#280

A: It's not enough to be able to do something. People want you to have a piece of paper saying that you can do it.

B: Are you sure? Perhaps you should qualify that statement.

Monday, 19 March 2012

#279

A: You stepped on my foot!

B: No, I allowed you to experience my heeling touch.

Sunday, 18 March 2012

#278

A: Is she getting married?

B: Well, when I called her today, she was engaged.

Saturday, 17 March 2012

#277

In many Chinese dialects, folklore and pork roll are pronounced the same.

Friday, 16 March 2012

Thursday, 15 March 2012

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

#274

The photos that she had taken while on holiday in Barley were very grainy.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

#273

You're not a seasoned performer until you have been as-salt-ed on stage.

Monday, 12 March 2012

#272

A: How do you know so much about wine?

B: Oh, you know, I hear things on the grapevine.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

#271

A: Get up, you frothy hedge-born foot-licker!

B: Well, that was a rude awakening.

Saturday, 10 March 2012

#270

A: Do these scissors meet your standards?

B: I'm afraid that they simply don't cut it.

Friday, 9 March 2012

#269

She knew that it would be risky to frolic, but eventually she decided that it was worth the gambol.

Thursday, 8 March 2012

#268

Why would erectile dysfunction pose a grave threat to Chinese politics?

It would prevent them from having elections.

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

#267

I was going to make a pun about Pride and Prejudice, but I decided that it would be too Austentatious.

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

#266

All dem hos,
Impressed by my derring-do.


Rap never really took off in the eighteenth century.

Monday, 5 March 2012

#265

What kind of clinic treats equine illness?

A horsepital.

Sunday, 4 March 2012

#264

My friend is trying to launch a collection of animated shorts. However, it appears that most people prefer garments that remain still on their legs.

Saturday, 3 March 2012

#263

I can't believe that none of these buildings have wheelchair access. This is rampant disregard!

Friday, 2 March 2012

#262

Being a duke means more than simply owning property. Equally important is proper etiquette. One must learn to mind one's manors.

Thursday, 1 March 2012

#261

What do you call an intersection which includes a shop that sells hot beverages?

A tea junction.