Thursday, 31 May 2012

#352

Cow A: My sister Klein is giving birth right now.

Cow B: I guess we should call her Calvin' Klein.

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

#351

Cow A: Patsy's been working out while her children are at music lessons.

Cow B: That explains her nicely toned calves.

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

#350

Cow A: That calf is six months old and still hasn't uttered a word.

Cow B: Maybe it's moote.

Monday, 28 May 2012

#349

Cow A: What's your favourite film?

Cow B: Moolin Rouge.

Sunday, 27 May 2012

#348

Which country has the most effeminate men in Asia?

Campuchea.

Saturday, 26 May 2012

#347

The optometrist's disgruntled customer was creating quite a spectacle.

Friday, 25 May 2012

Thursday, 24 May 2012

#345

"You'll never learn, will ye, Angus? We raise our villages, and we raze our enemies' villages. Not the other way round, Angus! Not the other way round!"

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

#344

Is this a badger that I see before me?

Shakespeare and Farthing Wood are not an effective combination.

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

#343

Did you hear about the gay android bouncing on a stick who encouraged a solitary homeless man wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt to seize the day?

"Yolo, mofo!" said the robo homo on a pogo to the solo hobo in a polo.

Monday, 21 May 2012

#342

It is widely believed that Marge Simpson is Homer-sexual.

Sunday, 20 May 2012

#341

Jack had only performed two executions, but he was already getting the hang of it.

Saturday, 19 May 2012

#340

Elly the defence attorney had only represented clients in two cases of indecent assault, but she was already getting the feel of it.

Friday, 18 May 2012

#339

If you see something, say something - preferably something racist and offensive.

Thursday, 17 May 2012

#338

Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and is one with the universe.

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

#337

Mark the real estate agent was yet to learn the difference between ducted heating and a heater held together with duct tape.

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

#336

Irony is when the word combinatorics is classified as an uncountable noun.

Monday, 14 May 2012

#335

What did the Cookie Monster say when playing the role of Juliet?

O Oreo, Oreo! wherefore art thou Oreo?

Sunday, 13 May 2012

#334

When I said mathematician, I meant combinatorist. Other mathematicians don't count.

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Friday, 11 May 2012

#332

Although she generally enjoyed the banter with rival convents, Sister Anne had grown sick of the 'yo momma superior' jokes.

Thursday, 10 May 2012

#331

As the Mother Superior's deputy, Rosetta was second to nun.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

#330

I don't think any priest could ever have been as excited as the one who realised that, instead of "praising God", one could "laud the Lord".

Well, it would have made me very happy.

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

#329

Scientists are searching for habitable planets in other star systems, primarily so that lactose intolerant humans need no longer suffer in the Milky Way.

Monday, 7 May 2012

#328

The story of Icarus teaches us that, when things get hot, even the best wingman will fail.

Sunday, 6 May 2012

#327

The Bible is full of people being punished for sending out messengers and representatives, warning us against the deadly sin of envoy.

Saturday, 5 May 2012

Friday, 4 May 2012

#325

A: I'm sorry, I will not tolerate bees in my house.

B: You're always such a buzzkill!

Thursday, 3 May 2012

#324

It is the fat in meat the causes it to remain upright. Thus, meat with little or no fat is called lean meat.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

#323

Irony is when an overweight, middle-aged person's hard drive is formatted as FAT32.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

#322

Roger the abalone had no friends. He was very abalonely.