Teacher: Use the word despise in a sentence.
Student: Des-pise were delicious, so I ate them.
Thursday 31 January 2013
Wednesday 30 January 2013
Tuesday 29 January 2013
Monday 28 January 2013
#594
Unable to support the weight of the enormous lettuce, the ocean liner disappeared beneath the waves. It was not the first time that a ship had been sunk by an iceberg.
Sunday 27 January 2013
Saturday 26 January 2013
Friday 25 January 2013
Thursday 24 January 2013
Wednesday 23 January 2013
Tuesday 22 January 2013
#588
If I were a homeless beggar, and someone gave me some money, I would thank them and add, "I love you. No hobo."
Monday 21 January 2013
#587
A: Those people are fighting because none of them have any loose change.
B: Oh no! Please stop this cents-less violence!
B: Oh no! Please stop this cents-less violence!
Sunday 20 January 2013
#586
Hansel and Gretel were particularly delighted to find that their room in the gingerbread house had an en-sweet bathroom.
Saturday 19 January 2013
#585
What do you call a pattern made out of adjacent, interlocking curtain ornaments?
A tassel-lation.
A tassel-lation.
Friday 18 January 2013
#584
It is widely believed that Helen would not have been abducted had she been Troying hard enough to avoid it.
Thursday 17 January 2013
Wednesday 16 January 2013
#582
As the dressmaker tried to skirt around every question, Susan felt the suspicion that a detective always feels when all is not as it seams. She knew that if she connected the loose threads, there would be a pattern here somewhere. She knew that she had to tighten her questioning, and hem in this dressmaker. Perhaps, then, she would stop weaving lies and fanciful fabrications, and give Susan some information with which she could stitch up this case.
Tuesday 15 January 2013
#581
"Good morning, Mr - what was it? - ah yes, Bond, Mr Bond. I'm Toby, from Toby and Sons Carpentry. I'm here to put up that shelf you wanted ... No, I'm not a spy ... No, I'm not a secret agent ... No, I'm not going to bug your living room ... Look, Mr Bond, I'm just here to do your shelf. I'm a registered carpenter - look, can you see this? This is my license to drill."
Monday 14 January 2013
#580
"Nice to see you, Mr Bond, please take a seat ... what'll it be today, the usual trim? Short back and sides? You wouldn't fancy a blonde tint or some red highlights? No? No matter, we can always ... dye another day."
Sunday 13 January 2013
Saturday 12 January 2013
#578
My hobby: teaching hardened criminals new vocabulary.
"You best watch out, or I'mma rebuke yo' ass!"
"You best watch out, or I'mma rebuke yo' ass!"
Friday 11 January 2013
#577
Eliza practised pronouncing the letter 'h' every day; achieving proper diction was her greatest aspiration.
Thursday 10 January 2013
#576
Billy had got almost everything wrong in the class test; he wasn't sure whether the teacher had marked his paper or used it to play noughts and crosses.
Wednesday 9 January 2013
Tuesday 8 January 2013
Monday 7 January 2013
#573
Teacher: Define the word buttress.
Student: A buttress is the imprint that your butt makes in a mattress.
Student: A buttress is the imprint that your butt makes in a mattress.
Sunday 6 January 2013
#572
A: While we've been standing on these moving stairs, we've gone up three floors.
B: Well, that escalated quickly.
B: Well, that escalated quickly.
Saturday 5 January 2013
Friday 4 January 2013
#570
Did you not give your children any warm clothes to brave the winter frost? This is snow way to look after them.
Thursday 3 January 2013
#569
The First Guy: Don't get me wrong, I like cheese as much as the next guy.
The Next Guy: But I hate cheese.
The First Guy: Well, this is awkward.
The Next Guy: But I hate cheese.
The First Guy: Well, this is awkward.
Wednesday 2 January 2013
Tuesday 1 January 2013
#567
A high definition television is an ideal present for the first of January, as it provides a good resolution for the New Year.
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