Friday, 31 May 2013

#717

I would make a joke about the impecunious water-surrounded nation, but that would poor-isle humour.

Thursday, 30 May 2013

#716

"Now, you gotta make some effort to sell these drugs, Tommy," drawled the mobster, "but nothing too drastic. Don't push it."

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Tuesday, 28 May 2013

#714

Emotionally expressive cat owners enjoy talking about their felines.

Monday, 27 May 2013

#713

I would make a joke about sadomasochistic bestial necrophilia, but that would be flogging a dead horse.

Sunday, 26 May 2013

Saturday, 25 May 2013

#711

What were the bus conductor's parting words?

"Fare thee well."

Friday, 24 May 2013

#710

Richard the famous physicist was generally considered to be a Fine man.

Thursday, 23 May 2013

#709

The belly dancing instructor preferred to be known as a navel commander.

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

#708

Colin the cricket umpire was a messy eater at the best of times, but since he had started bringing honey and marmalade sandwiches to work, the players had found themselves on a rather sticky wicket.

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

#707

A: He spiked their drinks with sleeping pills.

B: That's sop-horrific!

Monday, 20 May 2013

#706

The politician's promise to import brightly coloured neotropical birds with large beaks was dismissed by many as empty toucanism.

Sunday, 19 May 2013

Saturday, 18 May 2013

#704

A: Why are you avoiding me?

B: I heard it was your berth-day.

Friday, 17 May 2013

#703

The Middle Eastern baker reflected that the best thing about having kids was waking up to the pita patter of little feet.

Thursday, 16 May 2013

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

#701

For Josh, the most uncomfortable aspect of changing his guitar strings was the tension it created.

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

#700

No matter how widely he opened his mouth, the cannibalistic lion could not swallow his pride.

Monday, 13 May 2013

Sunday, 12 May 2013

#698

What beverage was used as an instrument throughout 80s pop songs?

Ab-synth.

Saturday, 11 May 2013

#697

How do bakers challenge each other's credibility?

"Do you even sift, bro?"

Friday, 10 May 2013

#696

A: Did all the self-absorbed people find adjacent chairs?

B: Yes, they are con-seated.

Thursday, 9 May 2013

#695

The mirror couldn't help showing people images of themselves. It was a reflects action.

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

#694

How do you spot radiologists at a party?

They're the ones scanning the room.

Tuesday, 7 May 2013

#693

Why was King Solomon often asked to resolve conflicts?

He was an excellent ad-Jew-dicator.

Monday, 6 May 2013

#692

One year ago, Millicent wouldn't have had the confidence to lift a large rock, but since she'd started moving small and medium-sized stones, she had been getting boulder.

Sunday, 5 May 2013

#691

Have you heard the one about the computer that could stop time? It never gets old.

Saturday, 4 May 2013

#690

What happened when the bread maker took drugs?

He got baked.

Friday, 3 May 2013

#689

A: He doesn't want any of our minerals.

B: Well, less phos for him, more phos for us.

Thursday, 2 May 2013

#688

Teacher: Use the word dispersion in a sentence.

Student: Dispersion is from Tehran, but that Persian is from Isfahan.

Wednesday, 1 May 2013

#687

After 20 years working in a pencil shop, Gladys felt that her career was stationary.