Sunday, 30 June 2013

#747

For many years, the British pronunciation of the term for a personal attendant was considered to be in-valet by the French.

Saturday, 29 June 2013

#746

Throughout Asia, people often get confused between gruff local fishermen and their catch. It is notoriously difficult to distinguish between crusty Asians and their crustaceans.

Friday, 28 June 2013

#745

What device do the police use to detect child molesters?

A pedometer.

Thursday, 27 June 2013

#744

Why couldn't the Chinese fruit grower communicate with the Chinese chorister?

One of them spoke Mandarin while the other spoke Cantor-nese.

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

#743

In an attempt to be more sensitive towards survivors of gunshot wounds, the police were trained to announce a trigger warning before firing.

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Monday, 24 June 2013

#741

Which surgical instrument is used to cut open the flesh that covers the skull?

A scalp-el.

Sunday, 23 June 2013

#740

Robert's attempt to assist the group of musicians was dismissed as a band-aid solution.

Saturday, 22 June 2013

#739

The dyslexic historian thought that Russia had once been ruled by linen.

Friday, 21 June 2013

#738

Elspeth tried to find the missing bandage, but eventually she decided that it was a lost gauze.

Thursday, 20 June 2013

#737

The experience of living under an leaky roof taught the children about the importance of a good sealing.

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

#735

On what material does one write at the beach?

Sandpaper.

Monday, 17 June 2013

#734

A: Should I be worried about not having a jumper?

B: Nah, don't sweater it.

Sunday, 16 June 2013

#733

A: Did you ask her if she had put a tap into the wine barrel?

B: I didn't know how to broach the topic.

Saturday, 15 June 2013

#732

Whenever she overheard someone else's conversation, Eve lost all bowel control. Her habit of listening in became known as Eve's droppings.

Friday, 14 June 2013

#731

Musical chairs in Buckingham Palace: the original Game of Thrones.

Thursday, 13 June 2013

#730

A: Why do you have a ramp instead of stairs?

B: Because that's how I roll.

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

#729

Years of experience working on the streets had made Michelle very prost-astute.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

#728

The biggest ram in the flock fixed the farmer with a steely gaze.

"We herd you the first time."

Monday, 10 June 2013

#727

She claimed that she wasn't interested in One Direction, but it was obvious that she was in de-Niall.

Sunday, 9 June 2013

#726

How do New Zealand beer makers greet each other?

"Hey, brew!"

Saturday, 8 June 2013

#725

The gossip columnist thought that Brad and Angelina's family was the pits.

Friday, 7 June 2013

#724

What do you call it when a gun dealer browses through a sodium collection?

A salt rifle.

Thursday, 6 June 2013

#723

"In this classroom, we use metric units. I will make you forget the imperial system, even if I have to pound it out of you!"

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

#722

What device only plays records with syntactically correct lyrics?

A grammar-phone.

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

#721

"We're worried about our daughter," explained the cannibal. "She's been off her face for a week - and face is her favourite!"

Monday, 3 June 2013

#720

To inexperienced farmers, ploughing can be a harrowing experience.

Sunday, 2 June 2013

#719

Where do choristers store their wine?

In a de-cantor.

#718

A: Why wasn't there a post yesterday?

B: The mailmen were on strike.

A: Did you actually break the blog schedule just to make that pun?

B: Nothing is sacred.