Sunday, 31 August 2014


Teacher: Use the word profile in a sentence.

Student: Someone who is in favour of organising paperwork can be described as profile.

Saturday, 30 August 2014


What can be found at the start of a book about golf?

A foreword.

Friday, 29 August 2014

Thursday, 28 August 2014


Ironically, the rotational therapist was unable to convince the public of his merit without the help of a spin doctor.

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Tuesday, 26 August 2014


Janet appreciated the new pulley system; it had really taken a load off her shoulders.

Monday, 25 August 2014


The butcher was proud of his produce, and always packaged it in elegant wooden boxes; some were suspicious when they saw him casing a joint.

Sunday, 24 August 2014


What do you call the process of filling an area with distinguished gentlemen?


Saturday, 23 August 2014


Seamstresses know a lot about threading; mainly because they know a lot about screwing.

Friday, 22 August 2014


What did the tennis player do at her legal trial?

Hold court.

Thursday, 21 August 2014


After calls to make the building accessible to wheelchairs fell on deaf ears, advocates ramped up their efforts.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014


Corinne knew that wearing sandals would lead to wearing flip-flops; it was a slippery slope.

Tuesday, 19 August 2014


"Leopard, not leper! I said I wanted a leopard skin dress!"

Monday, 18 August 2014


Which English city was named after its horseback undertakers?


Sunday, 17 August 2014


When war arrived, Quasimodo proved to be quite bell-igerent.

Saturday, 16 August 2014


What do you call the due date for an assassination?

A deadline.

Friday, 15 August 2014


Despite positive responses from critics, 30 Rock was something of a ratings Fey-lure.

Thursday, 14 August 2014


Her phobia of doors persisted; she just couldn't handle them.

Wednesday, 13 August 2014


I hate flashers. They think that they have the right to go around exposing themselves willy-nilly.

Tuesday, 12 August 2014


Being upgraded from the last car of the train was a welcome ca-boost.

Monday, 11 August 2014


What's the difference between a pilot and a geometer?

A pilot flies planes; a geometer thinks planes are fly.

Sunday, 10 August 2014


The marine carnivore was ever diligent; it could never be accused of sharking its duty.

Saturday, 9 August 2014

Friday, 8 August 2014


What do you call a bathroom break scheduled after the consumption of Asian food?

A Thai gap.

Thursday, 7 August 2014

Wednesday, 6 August 2014


He had led an easy life in the flatlands, and had grown accustomed to expecting everything handed to him on a plateau.

Tuesday, 5 August 2014


What sound did the crashing plane make as it bounced?


Monday, 4 August 2014


People who grow up in a gap between mountains live in constant need of valley-dation.

Sunday, 3 August 2014


What do you call an equine vet who manipulates the skeleton and muscles of their patients?

A horse-teopath.

Saturday, 2 August 2014


What do you call a metropolis full of daring people?

An auda-city.

Friday, 1 August 2014


The young sheep was a skillful chess player; at three months, it had already developed several opening lambits.