Friday, 28 February 2014

#990

The DJ gazed at his old nemesis, his face sliding into a bitter smile. He paused to consider how long he had waited for this moment, and the answer made him decide that he should savour it. He slowly inhaled, absorbing the aroma of defeat, and began to speak.

"My, my, my. How the tables have turned."

Thursday, 27 February 2014

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

#988

"I have rabbits. Wanna see?"

Daniel glowered at the man who had uttered these words, and glumly wondered why people were so reluctant when he used the same line about his pets. Some day, he thought, someone would take an interest in his crabs.

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Monday, 24 February 2014

#986

A: You should go. It's high time that you got some culture in you.

B: Couldn't I just eat some yoghurt?

Sunday, 23 February 2014

#985

A: I don't understand why people are so biased against amputees.

B: Neither do I. I'm stumped.

Saturday, 22 February 2014

#984

What happened when Neil Patrick Harris drank a tonne of milk?

It was legen-dairy.

Friday, 21 February 2014

#983

"Do you go by any other names, Agent H20?"

"They call me Bond. Covalent Bond."

Thursday, 20 February 2014

#982

A: They only do one yoga class at the same time every week.

B: Really? I would have expected a yoga class to be more flexible.

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

#981

The water surrounding every castle in the area had become a distinctive moatif.

Tuesday, 18 February 2014

#980

A: I think that bicycles should have as many lanes as cars.

B: Stop peddling such nonsense.

Monday, 17 February 2014

#979

A: Did it shrink in the wash?

B: No, it shrank while being ironed - during the de-creasing process.

Sunday, 16 February 2014

#978

Why did the painter struggle with pronunciation?

He had a cleft palette.

Saturday, 15 February 2014

#977

"You seem to be unaware of some of the basics of Marxism. Have you been skipping classes?"

Friday, 14 February 2014

#976

The vendetta between the manufacturers of running shoes was laced with intrigue.

Thursday, 13 February 2014

#975

"Potted, not pot. I said you could have a potted plant on your desk."

Senior Constable Mathieson was beginning to have concerns about the calibre of some of the new recruits.

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

#974

The disdainful glutton scoffed at the very notion, and also the pies.

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

#973

Which rodents belonged to the Nazi party's inner circle?

Gerbils.

Monday, 10 February 2014

#972

"But t'is is t'e only way I know to speak."

George the Third reflected that employing this man as a herald had not been the best marketing choice.

Sunday, 9 February 2014

#971

Where do closeted chiropractors go hiking?

Brokeback Mountain.

Saturday, 8 February 2014

#970

Confusing Chewbacca with Jar Jar Binks is a wookiee error.

Friday, 7 February 2014

#969

The marsupials outsmarted the humans with a cunning roos.

Thursday, 6 February 2014

#968

At the top of the food chain, of course, sits the macaroni necklace.

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

#967

The cobbler was impressed by the acrobat's tremendous feat.

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

#966

In chess, choosing to castle early is a rookie mistake.

Monday, 3 February 2014

#965

A: Idaho -

B: Don't say that - I would never consider you a whore.

Sunday, 2 February 2014

#964

All eagles can catch prey, but Toby was particularly talonted.

Saturday, 1 February 2014

#963

A: Honesty, loyalty, generosity - you just can' buy them.

B: Yeah, you can't get value for money.