Monday, 31 March 2014

#1021

Which North American natural feature is said to cure erectile dysfunction?

Viagra Falls.

Sunday, 30 March 2014

#1020

The heating repair technician had nowhere to vent her frustration.

Saturday, 29 March 2014

#1019

The canine church had a meeting to discuss matters of dogma.

Friday, 28 March 2014

#1018

Which dance is traditionally performed on hot coals?

The char-char.

Thursday, 27 March 2014

#1017

Why did the impulsive person see a dermatologist?

To cure her of her rash decisions.

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

#1016

At first, the turtle had been shy and reluctant, but over the last week it had really come out of its shell.

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

#1015

If these walls could speak, they would have many storeys to tell.

Monday, 24 March 2014

#1014

Since becoming an acrobat, the actor had grown more and more uncomfortable with the regular exhortation to break a leg.

Sunday, 23 March 2014

#1013

The hospital was painted with runes to ward off evil spirits.

Saturday, 22 March 2014

#1012

The displaced soccer club's request to host a game was dismissed on the basis that they had no grounds for their claim.

Friday, 21 March 2014

#1011

A: I was just typing when I suddenly lost all sensation in my fingers. Do you know what's happening?

B: Yes, that would be the Numb Lock.

Thursday, 20 March 2014

#1010

What did Admiral Ackbar cry when he saw the canvas sheet?

"It's a tarp!"

Wednesday, 19 March 2014

#1009

Angelo longed for the first violin part; he was tired of playing second fiddle.

Tuesday, 18 March 2014

#1008

A: I think I have hives, whom should I call?

B: Depending on the variety, a doctor or a beekeeper.

Monday, 17 March 2014

#1007

A: I just know that something is afoot.

B: The thing at the base of your leg with five toes. That's a foot. You know this.

Sunday, 16 March 2014

#1006

A: Do you like electronic dance mats?

B: I'm just not sure of where I stand on them.

Saturday, 15 March 2014

#1005

What kind of animal designs small plastic emblems that can be pinned onto clothing?

Badgers.

Friday, 14 March 2014

Thursday, 13 March 2014

#1003

How do you see what's happening in an anti-Russia riot?

Ukraine your neck.

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

#1002

A: You really upset me! Didn't you see me crying?

B: Upset? I thought you were having a wail of a time.

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Monday, 10 March 2014

#1000

Sherlock rounded the corner and stumbled to a halt. There was nobody in sight. His eyes pierced the shadows and swept every stone as his flashlight traced the length of the alley, only to find a silent dead end, and the crushingly heavy realisation of another failed pursuit. As he heaved in gulps of air, he noticed a small piece of paper lying on a cobble. Trembling with familiar dread, he bent down and held it up to the meagre beam of light dribbling out of a weary old street lamp. PERMISSION TO ATTEND, it read, in neatly printed black letters, infuriatingly identical to the other three notes.

Sherlock crumpled the paper with an angry fist. Once again, the suspect had given him the slip.

Sunday, 9 March 2014

#999

Making durable formal wear was not the tailor's strong suit.

Saturday, 8 March 2014

#998

Which soldiers are responsible for opening abscesses?

Lance Corporals.

Friday, 7 March 2014

#997

"I don't care where the deer start running, as long as you understand that the buck stops here."

Thursday, 6 March 2014

#996

Pat couldn't fit into the Lycra jumpsuit, not by any stretch of the imagination or fabric.

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

#995

"I'm not saying that that insect is in my personal space. I'm just saying that it's beginning to enc-roach."

Tuesday, 4 March 2014

#994

Having been stripped of its fur, the enormous beast, once magnificent, was now threadbear.

Monday, 3 March 2014

#993

Which Charles Dickens novel tells the story of a slanting building?

Oblique House.

Sunday, 2 March 2014

#992

Anastasia was used to ordered sets of items; now, in their absence, she was listless.

Saturday, 1 March 2014

#991

Learning about photons is a most illuminating experience.