Monday, 30 June 2014

#1112

The mollusc pickers frequently worked in clammy weather.

Sunday, 29 June 2014

#1111

The Siberian phone network provider's office gave Olga a characteristically frosty reception.

Saturday, 28 June 2014

#1110

As the extraterrestrials floated away in their now tattered and heavily shelled pod, a voice could be heard:

"We come in peace, Zorblav! Not like peas! In peace!"

Friday, 27 June 2014

#1109

What kind of racism is directed towards Asians who have achieved inner peace?

Zenophobia.

Thursday, 26 June 2014

#1108

Hana was happy to stay in the supposedly haunted castle; to her, ghosts were immaterial.

Wednesday, 25 June 2014

#1107

A: Looking at his diary, police found that he had been thinking about setting himself on fire for months.

B: Well, better self-immolate than never.

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

#1106

He was ultimately rejected due to his incapacity to dress formally; in summary, the company thought him unsuitable.

Monday, 23 June 2014

#1105

The amateur filmmaker was kicked out of the bungee jumping club after one too many fatal jump cuts.

Sunday, 22 June 2014

#1104

What do you call ham that is cooking in an oven?

Bakin'.

Saturday, 21 June 2014

#1103

Sergeant Chisholm surveyed the carnage on the street. Clearly, the offender had misunderstood the meaning of "blood drive".

Thursday, 19 June 2014

#1101

Publishing expletives, even with letters replaced with symbols, is always an aste-risk.

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

#1100

Once the animated gray tabby cat ventured into political subject matter, it became known for Pusheen the boundaries.

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

#1099

The Chinese conservationists were accused of excessively pandaring to animals.

Monday, 16 June 2014

#1098

The blocks made of four squares each spelled a tetrominous message.

Sunday, 15 June 2014

#1097

After the second oil spill, Mobil Corp could not be exxonerated.

Saturday, 14 June 2014

#1096

Guy squinted out at the paddock and frowned. The livestock thieves were really beginning to get his goat.

Friday, 13 June 2014

#1095

Although they constitute modern repertoire, Phillip's works typically require Glassical training.

Thursday, 12 June 2014

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

#1092

A: Have you ever thought about being a parent?

B: Yes, I want to have a daughter.

A: That's specific.

B: And call her Hope.

A: That's beautiful!

B: And make her immortal.

A: What?

B: And get her a pogo stick.

A: No no no no don't say-

B: Hope springs eternal!

Monday, 9 June 2014

#1091

Which ice cream flavour is most common among silverfish?

Manila.

Sunday, 8 June 2014

#1090

The logician maintained an ergo-nomic working environment.

Saturday, 7 June 2014

#1089

Once the first batch of towers to support electric cables fit easily onto the ship, the captain decided to pylon more.

Friday, 6 June 2014

#1088

What kind of swimming can be done while asleep?

Snore-kelling.

Thursday, 5 June 2014

#1087

"Are you sure you can sing today, Elsa? You sound really congested."

"I'll be fine. Having a cold never bothered me anyway."

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

#1086

Liam originally didn't want to be photographed nude, but he soon figured that he could use the exposure.

Tuesday, 3 June 2014

#1085

The whole world is one great poem; that's why it's called the universe.

Monday, 2 June 2014

#1084

Even when crowds turned against him, Tiger Woods always knew that his mistresses were rooting for him.

Sunday, 1 June 2014

#1083

"He's not a real digital infiltrator; he's just a hack."