Thursday, 31 July 2014

#1143

The pop star's decision to shave her head was widely regarded as a bald move.

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

#1141

In what direction does a hen move when running away from a rooster?

Anticockwise.

Monday, 28 July 2014

Sunday, 27 July 2014

#1139

What bone disease is most common in Vienna?

Austria-porosis.

Saturday, 26 July 2014

#1138

What do watchmakers do at the end of a working day?

Clock off.

Friday, 25 July 2014

#1137

A: Have you seen the news? A hundred people have been shipwrecked off the west coast of Africa!

B: Oh no! You mean they were Ca-marooned?

Thursday, 24 July 2014

#1136

What kind of bandages are most commonly used in Palestinian hospitals?

Gauze-a strips.

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

#1135

How did the enthusiastic meteorologist describe the wind?

With great gusto.

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

#1134

After her actors broke the fence a third time, the director felt the need to castigate them.

Monday, 21 July 2014

#1133

As the approaching crowd roughly gathered itself to a standstill, she became aware of hundreds of pairs of eyes sweeping over the whole scene, pausing in realisation, moving their focus to her, and boring in like the drills that had started this whole mess. She stepped backwards and her foot hit a pebble. As she clearly heard the tiny stone shifting less than an inch against the sand, she became aware of the silence, suddenly and frighteningly. She slowly turned her head and glanced behind her to see the clothes rack balanced on the edge of the precipice.

The author enjoyed concluding chapters with cliffhangers.

Sunday, 20 July 2014

#1132

What do you call a smashed bottle of wine?

Shard-onnay.

Saturday, 19 July 2014

#1131

What is the traditional motto of fishermen?

Carp-e diem

Friday, 18 July 2014

#1130

What type of fish run underwater hospitals?

General sturgeons.

Thursday, 17 July 2014

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

#1128

Installing the prank staircase made Elsha buoyantly merry; for the rest of the day, there was a spring in her step.

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

#1127

A: Do you think the titanium will stay in place?

B: Of course. Otherwise it would be called loose-anium.

Monday, 14 July 2014

#1126

How can you tell when a computer is angry?

It's spitting chips.

Sunday, 13 July 2014

#1125

How does one grow a religion?

Through careful cult-ivation.

Saturday, 12 July 2014

Friday, 11 July 2014

#1123

A: She's remarkably insightful.

B: Of course she is! She's pregnant.

A: What do you mean?

B: Many a truth spoken in gestation.

Thursday, 10 July 2014

#1122

What do you call someone who designs religious headwear?

A turban planner.

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

#1121

What did the gangster rapper say when his rented copy of The Raven was due to be returned?

"Fuck the Poe-lease!"

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

#1120

Which armed wing of the Nazi Party consisted mainly of flat sweets?

The Waffle-SS.

Monday, 7 July 2014

#1119

Matilda passed her art history exam on Jackson Pollock with flying colours.

Sunday, 6 July 2014

#1118

The page three editor stared at the image of the model in her grandfather clock patterned bra.

"I said pendulous breasts! Not pendulums! Pendulous!"

Saturday, 5 July 2014

#1117

As the hearing impaired conference gathered, the US Armed Forces were on their highest alert ever. This was Deaf-Con 1.

Friday, 4 July 2014

Thursday, 3 July 2014

#1115

The radical feminists' meetings were largely disorganised, demonstrating the difficulties of an agendaless society.

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

#1114

In winter, the brothel grounds were covered in hoarfrost.

Tuesday, 1 July 2014

#1113

The castle architect disagreed with the proposed trench of water surrounding her design, and dismissed it as a moat point.