Sunday, 31 August 2014

#1174

Teacher: Use the word profile in a sentence.

Student: Someone who is in favour of organising paperwork can be described as profile.

Saturday, 30 August 2014

#1173

What can be found at the start of a book about golf?

A foreword.

Friday, 29 August 2014

Thursday, 28 August 2014

#1171

Ironically, the rotational therapist was unable to convince the public of his merit without the help of a spin doctor.

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

#1169

Janet appreciated the new pulley system; it had really taken a load off her shoulders.

Monday, 25 August 2014

#1168

The butcher was proud of his produce, and always packaged it in elegant wooden boxes; some were suspicious when they saw him casing a joint.

Sunday, 24 August 2014

#1167

What do you call the process of filling an area with distinguished gentlemen?

Gent-rification.

Saturday, 23 August 2014

#1166

Seamstresses know a lot about threading; mainly because they know a lot about screwing.

Friday, 22 August 2014

#1165

What did the tennis player do at her legal trial?

Hold court.

Thursday, 21 August 2014

#1164

After calls to make the building accessible to wheelchairs fell on deaf ears, advocates ramped up their efforts.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

#1163

Corinne knew that wearing sandals would lead to wearing flip-flops; it was a slippery slope.

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

#1162

"Leopard, not leper! I said I wanted a leopard skin dress!"

Monday, 18 August 2014

#1161

Which English city was named after its horseback undertakers?

Canterbury.

Sunday, 17 August 2014

#1160

When war arrived, Quasimodo proved to be quite bell-igerent.

Saturday, 16 August 2014

#1159

What do you call the due date for an assassination?

A deadline.

Friday, 15 August 2014

#1158

Despite positive responses from critics, 30 Rock was something of a ratings Fey-lure.

Thursday, 14 August 2014

#1157

Her phobia of doors persisted; she just couldn't handle them.

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

#1156

I hate flashers. They think that they have the right to go around exposing themselves willy-nilly.

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

#1155

Being upgraded from the last car of the train was a welcome ca-boost.

Monday, 11 August 2014

#1154

What's the difference between a pilot and a geometer?

A pilot flies planes; a geometer thinks planes are fly.

Sunday, 10 August 2014

#1153

The marine carnivore was ever diligent; it could never be accused of sharking its duty.

Saturday, 9 August 2014

Friday, 8 August 2014

#1151

What do you call a bathroom break scheduled after the consumption of Asian food?

A Thai gap.

Thursday, 7 August 2014

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

#1149

He had led an easy life in the flatlands, and had grown accustomed to expecting everything handed to him on a plateau.

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

#1148

What sound did the crashing plane make as it bounced?

Boeing

Monday, 4 August 2014

#1147

People who grow up in a gap between mountains live in constant need of valley-dation.

Sunday, 3 August 2014

#1146

What do you call an equine vet who manipulates the skeleton and muscles of their patients?

A horse-teopath.

Saturday, 2 August 2014

#1145

What do you call a metropolis full of daring people?

An auda-city.

Friday, 1 August 2014

#1144

The young sheep was a skillful chess player; at three months, it had already developed several opening lambits.