Tuesday, 30 September 2014

#1204

What kind of dog is also a green vegetable?

A broc-collie.

Monday, 29 September 2014

#1203

Which country is responsible for most of the world's spam?

Botswana.

Sunday, 28 September 2014

#1202

A: I need you to find the screwdriver.

B: Is this it?

A: That's the ticket.

B: Oh. I thought it was a screwdriver. I'll keep looking.

Saturday, 27 September 2014

Friday, 26 September 2014

#1200

The junior sergeant, frustrated at missing out on yet another promotion, rankled with rage.

Thursday, 25 September 2014

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

#1198

Where do ironers address the media?

At a press conference.

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

#1197

What is the favourite dish of Greek mechanics?

Spanner-kopita.

Monday, 22 September 2014

#1196

What does a farmer use to wake up on time?

An alarm cock.

Sunday, 21 September 2014

#1195

Romanian universities are growing increasingly concerned about a prevalence of Vlad culture.

Saturday, 20 September 2014

#1194

After being bribed by dessert manufacturers, the nutritional values authority had a tendency to fudge their results.

Friday, 19 September 2014

#1193

After an argument, many couples like to reconcile by imagining minor religious denominations together. Some claim that fighting is worth it for the make-up-sects.

Thursday, 18 September 2014

#1192

The cinema manager's psychological issues revolved around her habit of projecting.

Wednesday, 17 September 2014

#1191

The toymaker considered building some plush toys, but eventually decided that he couldn't be stuffed.

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

#1190

What's the worst punishment for someone who hates card games?

Solitaire confinement.

Monday, 15 September 2014

#1189

Which rapper was famous for only showing off one third of his abs?

Tupac.

Sunday, 14 September 2014

#1188

What did the snake charmer say in Nicki Minaj's bakery?

"My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns."

Saturday, 13 September 2014

#1187

The manicurist's accounts were organised in a meticulous filing system.

Friday, 12 September 2014

#1186

"I value your input."

Regina's partner had asked her to be more vocal during sex.

Thursday, 11 September 2014

#1185

The mildly famous army recruiter was an N-list celebrity.

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

#1184

Katia had never intended to be a secret agent; her curious nature had simply spy-ralled out of control.

Tuesday, 9 September 2014

#1183

"Do you think the blind guy was the murderer? I'm not certain of it, it's just a stab in the dark."

Monday, 8 September 2014

#1182

How do couples get back together after breaking up?

They re-pair their relationship.

Sunday, 7 September 2014

#1181

A: There's been a kidnapping in the land of Hyrule!

B: Oh no! We must find the missing Link!

Saturday, 6 September 2014

#1180

"Aha! We shall never need chickens again!"

Hillary had not quite grasped the concept of eggplants.

Friday, 5 September 2014

#1179

The necrophiliac was happy to eat the overcooked rejects from the pie shop; after all, she was used to having crusty things in her mouth.

Thursday, 4 September 2014

#1178

Applause was forbidden at the sexual health conference, for fear of spreading the clap.

Wednesday, 3 September 2014

#1177

The anarchistic fence-builder railed against the system.

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

#1176

The thrill-seeking painter enjoyed many a brush with danger.

Monday, 1 September 2014

#1175

What style of music is most popular among the homeless?

Ragtime.