Friday, 31 October 2014

#1235

What did the antivirus software developer say to the malware?

"Norton my watch!"

Thursday, 30 October 2014

#1234

Everyone at the theatre company was amped to meet the new sound engineer.

Wednesday, 29 October 2014

#1233

The chef was deeply moved by the honour of representing her country, and provided a stirring rendition of the anthem.

Tuesday, 28 October 2014

#1232

After losing his tongue, the animator was rendered speechless.

Monday, 27 October 2014

#1231

What did the soldier say when accused of having unoriginal shooting methods?

"Mimicry is the highest form of battery."

Sunday, 26 October 2014

#1230

The anarchist sous-chef was always trying to stir up trouble.

Saturday, 25 October 2014

#1229

A: I can't find any good recipes to use all these eggs and speck.

B: Maybe you should lower your egg-speck-tations.

Friday, 24 October 2014

#1228

A: The kangaroo keeps hitting its head on the roof of its new enclosure.

B: Well, that was bound to happen.

Thursday, 23 October 2014

#1227

What do junkie pastry chefs do in their spare time?

Get baked.

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

#1226

The dog sat patiently under the sweet syrup, hoping that some would eventually treacle down to him.

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

#1225

I wanted to make a pun about painting, but I'm afraid that those kinds of jokes don't come easelly to me.

Monday, 20 October 2014

Sunday, 19 October 2014

#1223

How did Sebastian the crab get satellite television reception?

He used an Ariel.

Saturday, 18 October 2014

#1222

The wafer factory faced its greatest challenge yet; truly, it was crunch time.

Friday, 17 October 2014

#1221

When placed under scrutiny, the self-loathing coffee maker couldn't stand his own ground.

Thursday, 16 October 2014

#1220

The other fundamental forces found gravity condescending; they didn't appreciate its top-down manner.

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

#1218

A: Do you think I should get a dual-boot computer?

B: No way! That sounds like utter chaOS.

Monday, 13 October 2014

#1217

What happened to the computer programmer who developed a cough?

She became a hacker.

Sunday, 12 October 2014

#1216

What do you call the act of killing someone with fermented fruit juice?

Homi-cider.

Saturday, 11 October 2014

#1215

Where do seabirds invest their money?

In an alba-trust fund.

Friday, 10 October 2014

#1214

What Chinese-Greek crossover myth tells the story of the most beautiful long-legged bird in the world?

Heron of Troy.

Thursday, 9 October 2014

#1213

A: Do you think two people are more likely to date if they take the same classes?

B: Only if they have chemistry together.

Wednesday, 8 October 2014

#1212

The unwitting statistician found the average without meaning to do so.

Tuesday, 7 October 2014

#1211

On what machine do angry people exercise?

A cross trainer.

Monday, 6 October 2014

#1210

The priest had become adept at nearly all aspects of fishing; yet, he still refused to master bait.

Sunday, 5 October 2014

#1209

What do advertisers and electricians have in common?

They're both good at plugging things.

Saturday, 4 October 2014

#1208

The comedian always kept her appointments; she would never stand up a date.

Friday, 3 October 2014

#1207

The incompetent fisherman was even worse in finance - he struggled to keep a float.

Thursday, 2 October 2014

#1206

What is the favourite mathematical concept of dressmakers?

Tailor polynomials.

Wednesday, 1 October 2014

#1205

What do you call it when rappers murder their close friends?

Homie-cide.