Sunday, 30 November 2014

#1265

A: I have the milk permeate in a portable container.

B: Whey to go!

Saturday, 29 November 2014

#1264

Fergus tried to think of a gentle way to tell his girlfriend that her oral sex was too rough, but could find no way to soften the blow.

Friday, 28 November 2014

#1263

A: Have you looked at the geese yet?

B: Yes, I had a gander.

Thursday, 27 November 2014

#1262

Alex hated the Vietnamese capital - he found it very Hanoi-ing.

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

#1261

In what kind of coffin was the Russian emperor buried?

A tsarcophagus.

Tuesday, 25 November 2014

#1260

What do you call the sound made by ancient Egyptian paper in the wind?

Papyrustling.

Monday, 24 November 2014

Sunday, 23 November 2014

#1258

The rebellious crop farmer was known for going against the grain.

Saturday, 22 November 2014

#1257

A: I've become an expert on Asian politics. Ask me anything.

B: Do you know who was the President of Indonesia from 2004 to 2014?

A: Yudhoyono.

B: No, I do know, I'm asking whether you do.

Friday, 21 November 2014

#1256

A: I wish I could style my hair like that.

B: Don't be gel-ous.

Thursday, 20 November 2014

#1255

"Yes, I know I forgot the gold coating! I don't need your gilt trip."

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

#1254

"Back off or I'll knock your block off!"

The mobster's babysitter smiled wearily.

"That's not how we share our Lego, is it, Danny?"

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

#1253

The sailor's desire to wed his clock was forbidden under marry-time law.

Monday, 17 November 2014

#1252

The two metalworkers, denied permission to marry from their families, had decided to steel away into the night.

Sunday, 16 November 2014

#1251

Verity wondered whether she had become more distant from her family after switching to bath sponges; perhaps returning to natural exfoliation would make her less aloofah.

Saturday, 15 November 2014

#1250

In which European capital is a river blocked with rodents?

Hamsterdam.

Friday, 14 November 2014

#1249

What song did Bon Jovi write after a holiday in Walnut Grove?

Livin' On A Prairie

Thursday, 13 November 2014

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Tuesday, 11 November 2014

#1246

The cobblers had worked together in the same shop for years - they saw each other as sole mates.

Monday, 10 November 2014

#1245

Helen easily found a job restoring cars - she had an eye for detail.

Sunday, 9 November 2014

#1244

The general looked at the diagram of the territory, filled with every kind of wagon, and sighed. Clearly, her staff had not understood the meaning of cartographer.

Saturday, 8 November 2014

#1243

The tanning instructor was known as a hard bask-master.

Friday, 7 November 2014

#1242

"All who wish to follow me must abandon their hives of honey! Such is the sacrifice required to become a bee-leaver."

Thursday, 6 November 2014

#1241

What do you call the followers of a spiritual leader who are responsible for insulting other religions?

Diss-iples.

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

#1240

What do you call someone who's crying because they're not transgendered?

A cissy.

Tuesday, 4 November 2014

#1239

Where does the government of the Philippines store its documents?

In Manila folders.

Monday, 3 November 2014

#1238

A: Are you serious about the baby goats?

B: No, I'm just kidding.

Sunday, 2 November 2014

#1237

The filmmaker avoided Vine; she felt that it was easy pickings.

Saturday, 1 November 2014

#1236

What did the police officer say when subduing an offender?

"Cop that!"