Thursday 31 December 2015
#1661
Hollywood actors go to eternal damnation via the house of Ms Klum - you can see them passing through the gates of Heidi's.
Wednesday 30 December 2015
#1660
The male sheep dormitories were often unruly; today, the farmer noted that they were particularly ram-bunk-tious.
Tuesday 29 December 2015
Monday 28 December 2015
Sunday 27 December 2015
Saturday 26 December 2015
#1656
What did the priest say when the members of the secret sect received their final sacrament of Catholic initiation?
"Illuminati confirmed."
"Illuminati confirmed."
Friday 25 December 2015
Thursday 24 December 2015
Wednesday 23 December 2015
Tuesday 22 December 2015
Monday 21 December 2015
Sunday 20 December 2015
Saturday 19 December 2015
Friday 18 December 2015
Thursday 17 December 2015
Wednesday 16 December 2015
#1646
A: I love those guys! They always bring such light to the room.
B: That's not that impressive.
A: What do you mean?
B: I think it takes a lot more effort to bring heavy.
B: That's not that impressive.
A: What do you mean?
B: I think it takes a lot more effort to bring heavy.
Tuesday 15 December 2015
#1645
What symbolic gesture did the Greek slaves make when reclaiming their freedom?
They threw off their fetas.
They threw off their fetas.
Monday 14 December 2015
Sunday 13 December 2015
Saturday 12 December 2015
Friday 11 December 2015
Thursday 10 December 2015
#1640
What do you call a German Christmas bread which you took without paying?
Stolen (Give-it-bäck).
Stolen (Give-it-bäck).
Wednesday 9 December 2015
Tuesday 8 December 2015
#1638
How did the group of black lovers tell their parrot that they wanted to add a white member?
"Poly want a cracker."
"Poly want a cracker."
Monday 7 December 2015
Sunday 6 December 2015
Saturday 5 December 2015
Thursday 3 December 2015
#1633
As he looked around the orchard one last time, Zorro knew that he would cherry-sh these memories forever.
Wednesday 2 December 2015
Tuesday 1 December 2015
Monday 30 November 2015
Sunday 29 November 2015
Saturday 28 November 2015
Friday 27 November 2015
Thursday 26 November 2015
Wednesday 25 November 2015
Tuesday 24 November 2015
#1624
What happened to the priest who had his beard trimmed in the church tower?
He was shaved by the bell.
He was shaved by the bell.
Monday 23 November 2015
Sunday 22 November 2015
#1622
What did the king say about the reliable nobleman who was lower than a duke but higher than a baron?
"You can Count on him."
"You can Count on him."
Saturday 21 November 2015
Friday 20 November 2015
#1620
After looking over her footnotes, Emeline realised that the quote she had searched for was hiding in plain citation.
Thursday 19 November 2015
Wednesday 18 November 2015
#1618
What television series tells the story of a woman who memorises homicide case files?
Murder, She Rote.
Murder, She Rote.
Tuesday 17 November 2015
Monday 16 November 2015
#1616
Which Tennyson poem recounts an attack conducted by a troop of bantamweights?
The charge of the light brigade.
The charge of the light brigade.
Sunday 15 November 2015
Saturday 14 November 2015
#1614
The innovative stoner, the first to smoke a mixture of dried fruit and nuts, was widely regarded as a trail blazer.
Friday 13 November 2015
Thursday 12 November 2015
#1612
Officer Brace tossed and turn in a fitful rest, plagued by recurring visions of her indecent exposure arrest. She woke up, sweating. She was going to have to find a way to stop these flashbacks.
Wednesday 11 November 2015
Tuesday 10 November 2015
#1610
What do you call a dream-like blurring of reality and imagination caused by a soft drink?
A Fanta-smagoric experience.
A Fanta-smagoric experience.
Monday 9 November 2015
Sunday 8 November 2015
Saturday 7 November 2015
Friday 6 November 2015
Thursday 5 November 2015
Wednesday 4 November 2015
#1604
What do you call it when a person must choose one of two cliffs off which to jump?
A di-lemming.
A di-lemming.
Tuesday 3 November 2015
Monday 2 November 2015
#1602
After it proved impossible to move directly above the air ducts, Richie decided to circumvent them.
Sunday 1 November 2015
#1601
What did the priest say when asked if he could abandon his congregation?
"Parish the thought!"
"Parish the thought!"
Saturday 31 October 2015
Friday 30 October 2015
Thursday 29 October 2015
Wednesday 28 October 2015
Tuesday 27 October 2015
Monday 26 October 2015
Sunday 25 October 2015
Saturday 24 October 2015
Friday 23 October 2015
Thursday 22 October 2015
#1591
Cordelia was always very careful about the ropes on her ship; some would say that she was excessively rig-ourous.
Wednesday 21 October 2015
Tuesday 20 October 2015
Monday 19 October 2015
#1588
The police in Singapore are known for their strict enforcement of littering laws; they will fine someone at the drop of a hat.
Sunday 18 October 2015
#1587
A: My credit card says I've purchased a bunch of livestock! What do I do?
B: For starters, don't have a cow.
B: For starters, don't have a cow.
Saturday 17 October 2015
#1586
The society of Youtubers against Food Wastage asked people not to subscribe to How To Basic - as this would only egg him on further.
Friday 16 October 2015
Thursday 15 October 2015
Wednesday 14 October 2015
Tuesday 13 October 2015
Monday 12 October 2015
Sunday 11 October 2015
Saturday 10 October 2015
#1579
All thieves of baked goods were terrible, reflected the detective, but this one really took the biscuit.
Friday 9 October 2015
#1578
After her fetish for concealing felines in sacks became too suspicious, Brigitte decided to let the cat out of the bag.
Thursday 8 October 2015
Wednesday 7 October 2015
Tuesday 6 October 2015
#1575
After struggling to name the period during which the sun is visible, the astronomers decided to call it a day.
Monday 5 October 2015
#1574
The mystery of the missing clothes hampers was ruining the detective; these unsolved thefts were turning her into a basket case.
Sunday 4 October 2015
#1573
As the organiser of the judges' dance, Kayna felt distinctly uncomfortable that had not been able to afford an external venue; she was unsure how to proceed now that the ball was in her court.
Saturday 3 October 2015
Friday 2 October 2015
Thursday 1 October 2015
Wednesday 30 September 2015
Tuesday 29 September 2015
Monday 28 September 2015
Sunday 27 September 2015
Saturday 26 September 2015
Friday 25 September 2015
#1564
Years of working in the traffic centre of an airport had made it very hard for Eloise to maintain a relationship - all her partners complained that she was too controlling.
Thursday 24 September 2015
#1563
Why did the auditor hate inspecting the nail salon?
They had the most complicated filing system.
They had the most complicated filing system.
Wednesday 23 September 2015
#1562
After the first engineer's arms were chopped off by the malfunctioning device, none of the others were willing to try their hand.
Tuesday 22 September 2015
Monday 21 September 2015
#1560
Why did the computer programmers want to make sure that there were no elephants on the internet?
They would squash it.
They would squash it.
Sunday 20 September 2015
Saturday 19 September 2015
Friday 18 September 2015
Thursday 17 September 2015
#1556
Why did the fashion designer refuse to wear ripped jeans indoors?
Because they were meant to be worn out.
Because they were meant to be worn out.
Wednesday 16 September 2015
#1555
Upon arriving in the colony of blind people, the bodybuilder realised that here, his physique was absolete.
Tuesday 15 September 2015
#1554
How would eating pork lead to peace in the Middle East?
It would allow all factions to find salaam-i.
It would allow all factions to find salaam-i.
Monday 14 September 2015
#1553
Which friend of Winnie the Pooh sacrificed his life for his acting career?
Piglet, for the role of Hamlet.
Piglet, for the role of Hamlet.
Sunday 13 September 2015
Saturday 12 September 2015
Friday 11 September 2015
Thursday 10 September 2015
#1549
Where can couples who can't decide which way to vote meet other indecisive strangers for sex?
A swingers club.
A swingers club.
#1548
A: Why wasn't there a post yesterday?
B: Yesterday was Wednesday.
A: So?
B: I decided to honour the original meaning of the day.
A: How?
B: Yesterday, all the readers were asking themselves, "When's today's post arriving?" Thus: When's-day.
A: Once again, did you break the blog schedule just to make that -
B: Yes.
B: Yesterday was Wednesday.
A: So?
B: I decided to honour the original meaning of the day.
A: How?
B: Yesterday, all the readers were asking themselves, "When's today's post arriving?" Thus: When's-day.
A: Once again, did you break the blog schedule just to make that -
B: Yes.
Tuesday 8 September 2015
#1547
Otto didn't like being criticised for his habitual tardiness; he preferred to think of it as a latemotif.
Monday 7 September 2015
Sunday 6 September 2015
Saturday 5 September 2015
Friday 4 September 2015
Thursday 3 September 2015
Wednesday 2 September 2015
#1541
After deciding to enter publishing as well as fashion, the company was renamed "Abercrombie and Fiction".
Tuesday 1 September 2015
Monday 31 August 2015
#1539
Merryl's brother hated sitting next to her on long flights. She would brag for hours about how well she played in her brass band. He always tried to walk up and down the aisle to avoid his deeply vain trombone sis.
Sunday 30 August 2015
Saturday 29 August 2015
#1537
A: What were you doing with the kittens?
B: I was trying to fool them into thinking that there would be milk.
A: Did it work?
B: Oh yes. They lapped it up.
B: I was trying to fool them into thinking that there would be milk.
A: Did it work?
B: Oh yes. They lapped it up.
Friday 28 August 2015
#1536
A: Why are you only having the main meal?
B: Because they said we can't have chips and salad, so it's safer to have neither.
A: Just pick one.
B: But one chef made the chips, and another one made the salad, so-
A: I swear to God, don't say-
B: I don't want to take sides.
[A pause.]
A: I hope you choke.
B: Because they said we can't have chips and salad, so it's safer to have neither.
A: Just pick one.
B: But one chef made the chips, and another one made the salad, so-
A: I swear to God, don't say-
B: I don't want to take sides.
[A pause.]
A: I hope you choke.
Thursday 27 August 2015
Wednesday 26 August 2015
#1534
The chancellor of the university was forced to retire after it became that he was no longer in control of his faculties.
Tuesday 25 August 2015
Monday 24 August 2015
#1532
What did the teacher say to the students at the Thieving Academy when giving a lesson on robbing a stationery shop?
"Take notes."
"Take notes."
Sunday 23 August 2015
#1531
Devastating weather ravaged South Korea today as attempts to create copies of the artist behind Gangnam Style led to horrifying Psy-clones.
Saturday 22 August 2015
Friday 21 August 2015
Thursday 20 August 2015
Wednesday 19 August 2015
Tuesday 18 August 2015
#1526
Elisabeth decided not to say anything when one of her sneakers fell apart; she felt that it would be wiser to hold her tongue.
Monday 17 August 2015
#1525
In this era, homosexuality was considered a mental illness - any people who were found to be gay were immediately placed in a straightjacket.
Sunday 16 August 2015
#1524
How does a cool person with lots of swag give other people their contact details?
On a ballin' card.
On a ballin' card.
Saturday 15 August 2015
Friday 14 August 2015
Thursday 13 August 2015
Wednesday 12 August 2015
#1520
Erika was initially enthusiastic about her career as an author, but after some years, the novelty wore off.
Tuesday 11 August 2015
#1519
The music was loud enough to make people feel sick; most audience members reported feeling noise-eous.
Monday 10 August 2015
Sunday 9 August 2015
Saturday 8 August 2015
#1516
As Gina contemplated how to end her relationship, she decided that destroying all of her boyfriend's suits would be a very clear way to break ties.
Friday 7 August 2015
Thursday 6 August 2015
#1514
A: Why did you shove a flower in my wound? Why would you do that?
B: I thought it would help to stem the flow of blood.
A: I'm in so much pain.
B: Stem, get it?
B: I thought it would help to stem the flow of blood.
A: I'm in so much pain.
B: Stem, get it?
Wednesday 5 August 2015
Tuesday 4 August 2015
#1512
The mafia boss gazed glumly at the large pile of tiny brushes on the table before him. He glanced at his youngest charge, who was standing to attention on the other side of the heap.
"It was hard, boss. Most people said they'd never heard of them. So I made them myself. They're specially designed to remove lint from the joints of fingers of any size, and I think I've made enough for the whole mob, boss," he concluded, beaming with pride.
The old gangster sighed.
"Fetch us knuckle dusters, I said, Jakey. Knuckle dusters."
"It was hard, boss. Most people said they'd never heard of them. So I made them myself. They're specially designed to remove lint from the joints of fingers of any size, and I think I've made enough for the whole mob, boss," he concluded, beaming with pride.
The old gangster sighed.
"Fetch us knuckle dusters, I said, Jakey. Knuckle dusters."
Monday 3 August 2015
Sunday 2 August 2015
Saturday 1 August 2015
Friday 31 July 2015
Thursday 30 July 2015
Wednesday 29 July 2015
#1506
What do you call someone who tries to appear learned but constantly makes mistakes?
Error-dite.
Error-dite.
Tuesday 28 July 2015
#1505
Thaphei hated receiving group messages about medieval armour - he immediately deleted all chainmail.
Monday 27 July 2015
Sunday 26 July 2015
#1503
The professor gazed glumly at the report on her desk. She glanced at her youngest researcher, who was seated opposite her, beaming proudly.
"It was quite hard to locate - and it seemed strange to give me a chemical study given that we're geneticists - but I did find a local aquatic centre where people can swim in denim and conducted a thorough analysis of the consequences of the fabric on the water."
The professor sighed.
"Investigate the local gene pool, I said. Not the jean pool, the gene pool."
"Yes," smiled the student, and the professor retired that afternoon.
"It was quite hard to locate - and it seemed strange to give me a chemical study given that we're geneticists - but I did find a local aquatic centre where people can swim in denim and conducted a thorough analysis of the consequences of the fabric on the water."
The professor sighed.
"Investigate the local gene pool, I said. Not the jean pool, the gene pool."
"Yes," smiled the student, and the professor retired that afternoon.
Saturday 25 July 2015
#1502
A: Why are you buying so many shares?
B: It's autumn.
A: So?
B: I'm stocking up for the winter.
B: It's autumn.
A: So?
B: I'm stocking up for the winter.
Friday 24 July 2015
Thursday 23 July 2015
#1500
After being bullied by his colleagues for not having a waxed anus, the stripper decided to sue for hair-ass-ment.
Wednesday 22 July 2015
Tuesday 21 July 2015
Monday 20 July 2015
Sunday 19 July 2015
#1496
Paul couldn't help but ask if the strangers were from Poland or from the Czech Republic; he was a Slav to his curiosity.
Saturday 18 July 2015
#1495
What do you call a natural pause during which people start talking about parts of ships?
A hull in conversation.
A hull in conversation.
Friday 17 July 2015
Thursday 16 July 2015
#1493
A: They keep pointing out flaws in the woollen scarves I made.
B: Don't mind them; they're just knitpicking.
B: Don't mind them; they're just knitpicking.
Wednesday 15 July 2015
#1492
A: What do you mean, you can tell that he's weak-willed just by looking at his jumper?
B: I'm telling you, that's a pushover pullover.
B: I'm telling you, that's a pushover pullover.
Tuesday 14 July 2015
#1491
A: I can't believe you broke my miniature air conditioner!
B: You need to learn to be more relaxed about these things. Don't sweat the small stuff.
B: You need to learn to be more relaxed about these things. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Monday 13 July 2015
#1490
The disused train station had been turned into a cafe - essentially, it had never gone out of service.
Sunday 12 July 2015
Saturday 11 July 2015
#1488
Why are diseased prostitutes highly sought for the emergency services?
They know how to put out a fire.
They know how to put out a fire.
Friday 10 July 2015
Thursday 9 July 2015
Wednesday 8 July 2015
Tuesday 7 July 2015
Monday 6 July 2015
Sunday 5 July 2015
Saturday 4 July 2015
#1481
A: It's so hard to talk to my publican. He's gruff and rude and not a good listener.
B: Perhaps you need to find someone who's a little more bar-tender.
B: Perhaps you need to find someone who's a little more bar-tender.
Friday 3 July 2015
Thursday 2 July 2015
Wednesday 1 July 2015
#1478
With what words do prostitutes greet clients?
"Welcome to my humble a-bod."
(At least I hope they do. I would do this if I were one.)
"Welcome to my humble a-bod."
(At least I hope they do. I would do this if I were one.)
Tuesday 30 June 2015
#1477
The secret to Anais's longevity as a furniture maker was her deep-seated belief in the quality of her sofas.
Monday 29 June 2015
Sunday 28 June 2015
Saturday 27 June 2015
Friday 26 June 2015
Thursday 25 June 2015
#1472
Olivia believed that getting her name onto one voting list would lead to many others; she felt that she was on a roll.
Wednesday 24 June 2015
Tuesday 23 June 2015
Monday 22 June 2015
Sunday 21 June 2015
Saturday 20 June 2015
#1467
Why does the Queen only play poker on the toilet?
Because she's always guaranteed of a Royal Flush.
Because she's always guaranteed of a Royal Flush.
Friday 19 June 2015
#1466
When the escape artist decided that she wanted to release a DVD of herself being fastened to the ceiling; she knew that she had to organise a live taping.
Thursday 18 June 2015
Wednesday 17 June 2015
Tuesday 16 June 2015
Monday 15 June 2015
#1462
A: Oh no! This man had most of his body chopped off in the accident! He will never be whole again!
B: Well, he certainly looks the part.
B: Well, he certainly looks the part.
Sunday 14 June 2015
Saturday 13 June 2015
#1460
Clare the theatre director, nursing a broken arm, was struggling to adjust the rehearsal schedule; for the hundredth time, she cursed her inflexible cast.
Friday 12 June 2015
#1459
A: Do you believe the story about Jesus and the fruit tree?
B: No, I think it's entirely fig-titious.
B: No, I think it's entirely fig-titious.
Thursday 11 June 2015
Wednesday 10 June 2015
Tuesday 9 June 2015
Monday 8 June 2015
#1455
After observing the holes clearly cut into the pile of papers, Yannick had to concede that the device did indeed pack a punch.
Sunday 7 June 2015
#1454
A: I have so much weaving to do! I won't be free for ages.
B: Cheer up, I'm sure it won't be all doom and loom.
B: Cheer up, I'm sure it won't be all doom and loom.
Saturday 6 June 2015
Friday 5 June 2015
Thursday 4 June 2015
#1451
What do people say when they realise, for the first time, that they are not white?
"Well, colour me surprised!"
"Well, colour me surprised!"
Wednesday 3 June 2015
#1450
The gay man rolled out of bed and picked up his phone to check his matches - it was time for the daily grindr.
Tuesday 2 June 2015
Monday 1 June 2015
Sunday 31 May 2015
Saturday 30 May 2015
Friday 29 May 2015
Thursday 28 May 2015
Wednesday 27 May 2015
Tuesday 26 May 2015
Monday 25 May 2015
Sunday 24 May 2015
#1440
What happens to old Egyptians as the float down the river towards the ocean?
They become sea-Nile.
They become sea-Nile.
Saturday 23 May 2015
Friday 22 May 2015
Thursday 21 May 2015
Wednesday 20 May 2015
Tuesday 19 May 2015
#1435
A: Lately, every time my children speak, they say a group of words without any verbs!
B: Don't worry. I'm sure it's just a phrase.
B: Don't worry. I'm sure it's just a phrase.
Monday 18 May 2015
Sunday 17 May 2015
Saturday 16 May 2015
Friday 15 May 2015
Thursday 14 May 2015
#1430
Teacher: Use the word fervent in a sentence.
Student: An opening to gather a cat's hair is called a fur-vent.
Student: An opening to gather a cat's hair is called a fur-vent.
Wednesday 13 May 2015
Tuesday 12 May 2015
Monday 11 May 2015
Sunday 10 May 2015
Saturday 9 May 2015
#1425
What did the enthusiastic business owner say about her preference for solitude?
"I enjoy my own company."
"I enjoy my own company."
Friday 8 May 2015
Thursday 7 May 2015
Wednesday 6 May 2015
Tuesday 5 May 2015
Monday 4 May 2015
#1420
What was used to construct a sling when the French sculptor fractured her arm?
Plaster of Paris.
Plaster of Paris.
Sunday 3 May 2015
#1419
How did the city dweller apologise for his grumpiness in the country side?
"Sorry to be such a towner."
"Sorry to be such a towner."
Saturday 2 May 2015
#1418
The former beekeeper recalled to this day the day that her hive abandoned her; she could still feel the sting of rejection.
Friday 1 May 2015
Thursday 30 April 2015
#1416
Are you a Catholic and do you want the body of your dreams? For only three payments of 19.99 and telling all your sins to a priest, you can have the torso you've to which you've always aspired! Presenting the brand new AbSolution.
Wednesday 29 April 2015
#1415
Benedict the gardener only used spades very solemnly; he believed that this would preserve his dig-nity.
Tuesday 28 April 2015
#1414
Teacher: Use the word likewise in a sentence.
Student: Most old people are totally, like, wise.
Student: Most old people are totally, like, wise.
Monday 27 April 2015
Sunday 26 April 2015
Saturday 25 April 2015
#1411
Magdalena had never had a problem with spoiled children, but since becoming a cannibal, she found them disgusting.
Friday 24 April 2015
Thursday 23 April 2015
#1409
The prince sprinted out of the ballroom to find that she was gone. All that remained was a glass shoe. Gradually, he realised that Cinderella had given him the slipper.
Wednesday 22 April 2015
Tuesday 21 April 2015
Monday 20 April 2015
Sunday 19 April 2015
Saturday 18 April 2015
#1404
After noticing that everyone she had interviewed had seemed angry, Natasha reflected that she might have chosen a particularly cross section of the population.
Friday 17 April 2015
Thursday 16 April 2015
Wednesday 15 April 2015
#1401
Nancy loved it when customers only wanted parts of their hair coloured; it was the highlight of her day.
Tuesday 14 April 2015
#1400
Years spent watching television had prepared Keith poorly for the tedious journey from France to England; no matter how bored he became, he could not change the Channel.
Monday 13 April 2015
Sunday 12 April 2015
Saturday 11 April 2015
#1397
A: You don't like you're dancing. You look like you're attempting a painful walk over broken glass.
B: I've got the moves like jagged!
B: I've got the moves like jagged!
Friday 10 April 2015
Thursday 9 April 2015
#1395
"We can explain!" cried the cheating husband. But neither he nor his lover could find anything to say. All that was evident was that they were tongue-tied.
Wednesday 8 April 2015
Tuesday 7 April 2015
Monday 6 April 2015
Sunday 5 April 2015
Saturday 4 April 2015
Friday 3 April 2015
Thursday 2 April 2015
#1388
The conservative architect strongly advised against all multi-level projects, as she believed that they would end in tiers.
Wednesday 1 April 2015
Tuesday 31 March 2015
#1386
After rumours of a rebellion reached the capital, the dictator's council advised him to reign in his tyranny.
Monday 30 March 2015
Sunday 29 March 2015
#1384
What did the hairdresser say to the chicken vendor?
"It's not about the nugget, it's about the lice."
"It's not about the nugget, it's about the lice."
Saturday 28 March 2015
#1383
Awareness of the irony of the situation prevented the torture exhibition's staff from stopping ticket scalpers.
Friday 27 March 2015
Thursday 26 March 2015
#1381
"After all, your Honour, it's called the e-con-omy. I rest my case."
Eros's career as a defense attorney for fraudsters was short-lived.
Eros's career as a defense attorney for fraudsters was short-lived.
Wednesday 25 March 2015
#1380
Amid their attempts to reduce the length of the soccer's official rule book, FIFA officials have been accused of attempting to cut corners.
Tuesday 24 March 2015
#1379
British locals have been increasingly having children with African immigrants. Not since before the industrial revolution has the United Kingdom seen such a high number of black Smiths.
Monday 23 March 2015
#1378
The police sergeant gazed glumly at the wall, which bore a lush covering of soapy bubbles, and sighed.
"I said I wanted you to think about a deterrent for graffiti, Gravener. Not detergent. Deterrent."
"I said I wanted you to think about a deterrent for graffiti, Gravener. Not detergent. Deterrent."
Sunday 22 March 2015
Saturday 21 March 2015
Friday 20 March 2015
#1375
A: I can't believe you cut off my water supply! This isn't funny, B.
B: I think you need to make more of an effort to understand my dry sense of humour.
B: I think you need to make more of an effort to understand my dry sense of humour.
Thursday 19 March 2015
#1374
A: What do you say when you want him to write?
B: Inscribe!
A: And when you want to dismiss him?
B: Out, scribe!
B: Inscribe!
A: And when you want to dismiss him?
B: Out, scribe!
Wednesday 18 March 2015
Tuesday 17 March 2015
Monday 16 March 2015
Sunday 15 March 2015
Saturday 14 March 2015
#1369
"Your diction is excellent, but you are very poor at dividing food appropriately among your guests. You will have to take allocation lessons."
Friday 13 March 2015
#1368
Boris Nemtsov, an outspoken critic of the Russian government, was killed after disPutin its practices.
Thursday 12 March 2015
Wednesday 11 March 2015
#1366
Too weak to be a piano mover, Alan decided to transport triangles - however, there wasn't much work, even after he advertised himself as the first real shapeshifter.
Tuesday 10 March 2015
#1365
What did Odysseus's Chinese crew member say about the seductresses of the sea?
"The Sirens was deafening."
"The Sirens was deafening."
Monday 9 March 2015
Sunday 8 March 2015
Saturday 7 March 2015
Friday 6 March 2015
Thursday 5 March 2015
#1360
The taxi driver was disqualified from the race for starting early; he was now the first cab off the ranks.
Wednesday 4 March 2015
Tuesday 3 March 2015
#1358
The female greenhouse curator was fired after numerous attempts at smashing the glass ceiling.
Monday 2 March 2015
Sunday 1 March 2015
Saturday 28 February 2015
Friday 27 February 2015
Thursday 26 February 2015
Wednesday 25 February 2015
#1352
On what day does France formally celebrate all the looting that occurred during the Revolution?
Ba-steal Day.
Ba-steal Day.
Tuesday 24 February 2015
#1351
After a century of secularisation, the central church, which had once seemed grand and magnificent, now merely appeared cathe-droll.
Monday 23 February 2015
Sunday 22 February 2015
Saturday 21 February 2015
#1348
After living in Australia for years, Shelley's understanding of the nation's language could only be described as intimate.
Friday 20 February 2015
#1347
"Not everything is black and white! I hate it when people put me into boxes."
For what seemed like the hundredth time, the ringmaster wondered why Rosy had signed up to be a goth magician's assistant.
For what seemed like the hundredth time, the ringmaster wondered why Rosy had signed up to be a goth magician's assistant.
Thursday 19 February 2015
Wednesday 18 February 2015
#1345
The police tried to recover the stolen segment of gold chain, but couldn't find the missing blingk.
Tuesday 17 February 2015
Monday 16 February 2015
Sunday 15 February 2015
#1342
The Nutcracker is one of the most famous ballets of all time, and derives its name from the difficult and often painful choreography required of its male dancers.
Saturday 14 February 2015
Friday 13 February 2015
#1340
The temporary bracing on the roof of the tunnel was currently enshoring the safety of its occupants.
Thursday 12 February 2015
Wednesday 11 February 2015
Tuesday 10 February 2015
Monday 9 February 2015
#1336
A: Get your feet back or they might get run over.
B: Are you saying that this is a toe away zone?
A: You know what? Stretch your legs out. Make yourself comfortable.
B: Are you saying that this is a toe away zone?
A: You know what? Stretch your legs out. Make yourself comfortable.
Sunday 8 February 2015
Saturday 7 February 2015
#1334
Did you hear about the literature major who became a builder?
He only worked on deconstruction sites.
He only worked on deconstruction sites.
Friday 6 February 2015
Thursday 5 February 2015
#1332
Any other disability would have prevented Claude from dancing; luckily, he had a nightclub-foot.
Wednesday 4 February 2015
#1331
Anna-Rose loved going on dates with soccer players; she knew that they would always foot the bill.
Tuesday 3 February 2015
Monday 2 February 2015
Sunday 1 February 2015
Saturday 31 January 2015
#1327
The tree, having experienced many adventures in its youth, was ready to embark upon a new stage of life.
Friday 30 January 2015
Thursday 29 January 2015
Wednesday 28 January 2015
Tuesday 27 January 2015
Monday 26 January 2015
#1322
Teacher: Use the word footprints in a sentence.
Student: The royal fetishist who tracked down Cinderella was a foot-prince.
Student: The royal fetishist who tracked down Cinderella was a foot-prince.
Sunday 25 January 2015
#1321
Teacher: Use the word congested in a sentence.
Student: When a criminal has made a joke, you could say that the con jested.
Student: When a criminal has made a joke, you could say that the con jested.
Saturday 24 January 2015
Friday 23 January 2015
Thursday 22 January 2015
Wednesday 21 January 2015
#1317
After visiting salt lakes and spice markets, Steph considered herself to be a seasoned traveller.
Tuesday 20 January 2015
#1316
A: I think his outfit needs a complete overhaul.
B: It's a business suit. Don't you think that overalls would be out of place?
B: It's a business suit. Don't you think that overalls would be out of place?
Monday 19 January 2015
Sunday 18 January 2015
Saturday 17 January 2015
Friday 16 January 2015
Thursday 15 January 2015
Wednesday 14 January 2015
Tuesday 13 January 2015
Monday 12 January 2015
Sunday 11 January 2015
Saturday 10 January 2015
Friday 9 January 2015
Thursday 8 January 2015
#1304
The basketball player refused to use lines or spears when fishing; as she put it, she aimed for "nothing but net".
Wednesday 7 January 2015
Tuesday 6 January 2015
Monday 5 January 2015
#1301
The dean felt that forcing people to complete extensive paperwork in order to demonstrate financial need was very poor form.
Sunday 4 January 2015
Saturday 3 January 2015
Friday 2 January 2015
#1298
After the invention of large passenger aircrafts, the aviation industry really began to take off.
Thursday 1 January 2015
#1297
The dressmaker attempted stand-up comedy, hoping to have her audience in stitches; unfortunately, her jokes were only sew-sew.
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