Tuesday, 30 June 2015


The secret to Anais's longevity as a furniture maker was her deep-seated belief in the quality of her sofas.

Monday, 29 June 2015


Why was the spider embarrassed when its web fell apart?

It fly had come undone.

Sunday, 28 June 2015


How did Ancient Egyptians navigate through documents?

By scrolling.

Saturday, 27 June 2015


What do you call an egg-filled bread bun?

An embryoche.

Friday, 26 June 2015


The fly, unfortunately for itself, alighted on a combustible substance.

Thursday, 25 June 2015


Olivia believed that getting her name onto one voting list would lead to many others; she felt that she was on a roll.

Wednesday, 24 June 2015

Tuesday, 23 June 2015


A: They decided to hire an exorcist.

B: What could possibly have possessed them to do that?

Monday, 22 June 2015


Rui was disappointed to find out that cocaine was not all it was cracked up to be.

Sunday, 21 June 2015


Why did the apple go to the gym?

To build its core strength.

Saturday, 20 June 2015


Why does the Queen only play poker on the toilet?

Because she's always guaranteed of a Royal Flush.

Friday, 19 June 2015


When the escape artist decided that she wanted to release a DVD of herself being fastened to the ceiling; she knew that she had to organise a live taping.

Thursday, 18 June 2015


A: Why did you tell him to take up smoking?

B: He asked me for add-vice.

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Tuesday, 16 June 2015


After trying it a first time, the new blood donor decided to carry on in the same vein.

Monday, 15 June 2015


A: Oh no! This man had most of his body chopped off in the accident! He will never be whole again!

B: Well, he certainly looks the part.

Sunday, 14 June 2015


The crime historian merely wanted to write the wrongs of the past.

Saturday, 13 June 2015


Clare the theatre director, nursing a broken arm, was struggling to adjust the rehearsal schedule; for the hundredth time, she cursed her inflexible cast.

Friday, 12 June 2015


A: Do you believe the story about Jesus and the fruit tree?

B: No, I think it's entirely fig-titious.

Thursday, 11 June 2015


The pinboard monitor believed that the best form of defense was a good tack.

Wednesday, 10 June 2015


How can you tell that a printing press has never been used?

Its hyphen is intact.

Tuesday, 9 June 2015


Leaving a relationship can be a painful process of ex-traction.

Monday, 8 June 2015


After observing the holes clearly cut into the pile of papers, Yannick had to concede that the device did indeed pack a punch.

Sunday, 7 June 2015


A: I have so much weaving to do! I won't be free for ages.

B: Cheer up, I'm sure it won't be all doom and loom.

Saturday, 6 June 2015


Venus Williams was known for being a calm child, but her sister was serener.

Friday, 5 June 2015


What do you call an organisation bookkeepers wearing suspenders?

Gartered accountants.

Thursday, 4 June 2015


What do people say when they realise, for the first time, that they are not white?

"Well, colour me surprised!"

Wednesday, 3 June 2015


The gay man rolled out of bed and picked up his phone to check his matches - it was time for the daily grindr.

Tuesday, 2 June 2015


The statisticians called for a pause to calculate the averages. Meanwhile...

Monday, 1 June 2015


A: Why did you interrupt everyone with your twerking?

B: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to butt in.