Wednesday 30 September 2015

#1569

What do you call a cat's journey to find formal garments?

A purr-suit.

Tuesday 29 September 2015

#1568

What was the athletics coach's favourite photography technique?

Time laps.

Monday 28 September 2015

#1567

What do you call a confusingly structured science workplace?

A lab-yrinth.

Sunday 27 September 2015

#1566

The first sex robots were very difficult to use; it was far too easy to blow a fuse.

Saturday 26 September 2015

#1565

How did Dylan Thomas cut his date's lip?

He did not go gentle into that good night.

Friday 25 September 2015

#1564

Years of working in the traffic centre of an airport had made it very hard for Eloise to maintain a relationship - all her partners complained that she was too controlling.

Thursday 24 September 2015

#1563

Why did the auditor hate inspecting the nail salon?

They had the most complicated filing system.

Wednesday 23 September 2015

#1562

After the first engineer's arms were chopped off by the malfunctioning device, none of the others were willing to try their hand.

Tuesday 22 September 2015

#1561

How did Dylan Thomas stub his toe in the garden?

He did not go gentle into that good night.

Monday 21 September 2015

#1560

Why did the computer programmers want to make sure that there were no elephants on the internet?

They would squash it.

Sunday 20 September 2015

#1559

What do you call secret tribal rituals?

Clan-destine activies.

Saturday 19 September 2015

#1558

Why did the general enter his soldiers into a car race?

To rally the troops.

Friday 18 September 2015

#1557

A: Do you always read the whole newspaper?

B: No, just whatever artickles my fancy.

Thursday 17 September 2015

#1556

Why did the fashion designer refuse to wear ripped jeans indoors?

Because they were meant to be worn out.

Wednesday 16 September 2015

#1555

Upon arriving in the colony of blind people, the bodybuilder realised that here, his physique was absolete.

Tuesday 15 September 2015

#1554

How would eating pork lead to peace in the Middle East?

It would allow all factions to find salaam-i.

Monday 14 September 2015

#1553

Which friend of Winnie the Pooh sacrificed his life for his acting career?

Piglet, for the role of Hamlet.

Sunday 13 September 2015

#1552

What do you call it when a lot of people have been slain?

A slew.

Saturday 12 September 2015

Friday 11 September 2015

#1550

What do you call a plant that reproduces inconsistently?

Spore-adic.

Thursday 10 September 2015

#1549

Where can couples who can't decide which way to vote meet other indecisive strangers for sex?

A swingers club.

#1548

A: Why wasn't there a post yesterday?

B: Yesterday was Wednesday.

A: So?

B: I decided to honour the original meaning of the day.

A: How?

B: Yesterday, all the readers were asking themselves, "When's today's post arriving?" Thus: When's-day.

A: Once again, did you break the blog schedule just to make that -

B: Yes.

Tuesday 8 September 2015

#1547

Otto didn't like being criticised for his habitual tardiness; he preferred to think of it as a latemotif.

Monday 7 September 2015

#1546

Bakers are often sardonic; they're known for their rye sense of humour.

Sunday 6 September 2015

#1545

What do you call it when an anarchist has diarrhoea?

Dissentery.

Saturday 5 September 2015

#1544

Clara couldn't resist purchasing socks, but her husband Robert was more of a shoe man.

Friday 4 September 2015

#1543

After the disgraced cyclist developed a large boil, the doctors had to lance Armstrong.

Thursday 3 September 2015

#1542

Why can't anyone remember wearing tight bras?

Because they're repressed mammaries.

Wednesday 2 September 2015

#1541

After deciding to enter publishing as well as fashion, the company was renamed "Abercrombie and Fiction".

Tuesday 1 September 2015

#1540

A: Where did you get the money to pay for a gardener?

B: From my hedge fund.