Saturday, 31 January 2015

#1327

The tree, having experienced many adventures in its youth, was ready to embark upon a new stage of life.

Friday, 30 January 2015

#1326

By what process can people give birth on a ship?

Sea-section.

Thursday, 29 January 2015

Wednesday, 28 January 2015

#1324

Jerry was not very good at Jewish scripture study - in fact, he was Torah-ble.

Tuesday, 27 January 2015

Monday, 26 January 2015

#1322

Teacher: Use the word footprints in a sentence.

Student: The royal fetishist who tracked down Cinderella was a foot-prince.

Sunday, 25 January 2015

#1321

Teacher: Use the word congested in a sentence.

Student: When a criminal has made a joke, you could say that the con jested.

Saturday, 24 January 2015

#1320

Ruby reflected that it was difficult to make nameplates on such a tight badget.

Friday, 23 January 2015

#1319

The nameplate maker was asked to move out of the way, but wouldn't badge.

Thursday, 22 January 2015

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

#1317

After visiting salt lakes and spice markets, Steph considered herself to be a seasoned traveller.

Tuesday, 20 January 2015

#1316

A: I think his outfit needs a complete overhaul.

B: It's a business suit. Don't you think that overalls would be out of place?

Monday, 19 January 2015

#1315

While waiting for a more permanent space, the locksmith had set up a key-osk.

Sunday, 18 January 2015

#1314

Eric the con always attempted his deceits twice - he was very re-lie-able.

Saturday, 17 January 2015

#1313

The organ removal surgeon was very consistent; she always de-livered.

Friday, 16 January 2015

Thursday, 15 January 2015

#1311

The initial insertion of the drip was tricky, but it was all smooth saline from there.

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

#1310

What do you call the opening on a dandy gentleman's camera?

The dapperture.

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

#1309

What do you call a light-field camera that helps the user to strategise?

Planoptic.

Monday, 12 January 2015

Sunday, 11 January 2015

#1307

A: Is this plane going to change direction?

B: I'm banking on it.

Saturday, 10 January 2015

#1306

The five-pointer looked unlikely, but the rugby player decided that it was worth a try.

Friday, 9 January 2015

#1305

The Australian footballer had a successful night at the gay bar - he scored a lot of behinds.

Thursday, 8 January 2015

#1304

The basketball player refused to use lines or spears when fishing; as she put it, she aimed for "nothing but net".

Wednesday, 7 January 2015

#1303

What did the grenadier shout after eating a curry?

"Fire in the hole!"

Tuesday, 6 January 2015

#1302

How did the woman feel after having an orgasm?

As happy as a clam.

Monday, 5 January 2015

#1301

The dean felt that forcing people to complete extensive paperwork in order to demonstrate financial need was very poor form.

Sunday, 4 January 2015

#1300

What kind of reptile repairs computer screens?

A monitor lizard.

Saturday, 3 January 2015

#1299

What did the sail say to the boat?

"Sorry to be such a drag."

Friday, 2 January 2015

#1298

After the invention of large passenger aircrafts, the aviation industry really began to take off.

Thursday, 1 January 2015

#1297

The dressmaker attempted stand-up comedy, hoping to have her audience in stitches; unfortunately, her jokes were only sew-sew.