Saturday, 28 February 2015

#1355

The predatory onions lured unsuspecting victims into their layers.

Friday, 27 February 2015

#1354

What is the official title of the elected leader of tropical fruits?

The guavanor.

Thursday, 26 February 2015

#1353

What do you call a group of prostitutes barely visible in the distance?

A whore-izon.

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

#1352

On what day does France formally celebrate all the looting that occurred during the Revolution?

Ba-steal Day.

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

#1351

After a century of secularisation, the central church, which had once seemed grand and magnificent, now merely appeared cathe-droll.

Monday, 23 February 2015

#1350

A: These models are way too thin to be healthy!

B: No, they're just elegaunt.

Sunday, 22 February 2015

#1349

The stage manager knew that any backdrop could be created if she set her mind to it.

Saturday, 21 February 2015

#1348

After living in Australia for years, Shelley's understanding of the nation's language could only be described as intimate.

Friday, 20 February 2015

#1347

"Not everything is black and white! I hate it when people put me into boxes."

For what seemed like the hundredth time, the ringmaster wondered why Rosy had signed up to be a goth magician's assistant.

Thursday, 19 February 2015

#1346

What kind of cheese does the Mafia use to make cheesecake?

Crim cheese.

Wednesday, 18 February 2015

#1345

The police tried to recover the stolen segment of gold chain, but couldn't find the missing blingk.

Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Monday, 16 February 2015

#1343

The clothes-mending software wouldn't work until the installation of a patch.

Sunday, 15 February 2015

#1342

The Nutcracker is one of the most famous ballets of all time, and derives its name from the difficult and often painful choreography required of its male dancers.

Saturday, 14 February 2015

#1341

Zeus was unimpressed by the newer deities; he felt that they were stealing his thunder.

Friday, 13 February 2015

#1340

The temporary bracing on the roof of the tunnel was currently enshoring the safety of its occupants.

Thursday, 12 February 2015

#1339

The birds strutted around in an extravagant display of pigeontry.

Wednesday, 11 February 2015

#1338

The jeweller needed to adjust the breastpin, but had no idea how to brooch the subject.

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

#1337

Taco the cat could cough up furballs at will; he was widely considered to be an elite hacker.

Monday, 9 February 2015

#1336

A: Get your feet back or they might get run over.

B: Are you saying that this is a toe away zone?

A: You know what? Stretch your legs out. Make yourself comfortable.

Sunday, 8 February 2015

#1335

What kind of document allows foreign citizens to cross rivers?

A bridging visa.

Saturday, 7 February 2015

#1334

Did you hear about the literature major who became a builder?

He only worked on deconstruction sites.

Friday, 6 February 2015

#1333

What do you call the act of ridiculing an old-fashioned light source?

Lampooning.

Thursday, 5 February 2015

#1332

Any other disability would have prevented Claude from dancing; luckily, he had a nightclub-foot.

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

#1331

Anna-Rose loved going on dates with soccer players; she knew that they would always foot the bill.

Tuesday, 3 February 2015

#1330

What do you call a box for carrying underwear?

A briefscase.

Monday, 2 February 2015

Sunday, 1 February 2015

#1328

What kind of marsupial can work as a debt collector?

A bill-by.