Thursday, 31 December 2015

#1661

Hollywood actors go to eternal damnation via the house of Ms Klum - you can see them passing through the gates of Heidi's.

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

#1660

The male sheep dormitories were often unruly; today, the farmer noted that they were particularly ram-bunk-tious.

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

#1659

What kind of decorative sheet is known for its use in hip hop?

Rapping paper.

Monday, 28 December 2015

Sunday, 27 December 2015

Saturday, 26 December 2015

#1656

What did the priest say when the members of the secret sect received their final sacrament of Catholic initiation?

"Illuminati confirmed."

Friday, 25 December 2015

#1655

The birth of Jesus went smoothly, with both mother and child in a stable condition.

Thursday, 24 December 2015

#1654

What is the culinary opposite of a baguette?

Shortbread.

Wednesday, 23 December 2015

#1653

How would you describe a significant piece for a church choir?

Hymn-portant.

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

#1652

How can you tell if a drunk crowd doesn't like you?

You can hear their booze.

Monday, 21 December 2015

#1651

What is used to stop drinks from leaving stains on tables at beachside bars?

Coasters.

Sunday, 20 December 2015

#1650

What do you call it when a checkered sponge cake is squashed?

Flattenberg cake.

Saturday, 19 December 2015

#1649

What did the Jedi say to the plumber on her first day?

"May the faucet be with you."

Friday, 18 December 2015

Thursday, 17 December 2015

Wednesday, 16 December 2015

#1646

A: I love those guys! They always bring such light to the room.

B: That's not that impressive.

A: What do you mean?

B: I think it takes a lot more effort to bring heavy.

Tuesday, 15 December 2015

#1645

What symbolic gesture did the Greek slaves make when reclaiming their freedom?

They threw off their fetas.

Monday, 14 December 2015

#1644

What did 18th century peasants use as napkins?

Serf-iettes.

Sunday, 13 December 2015

#1643

What form of energy is the most democratic?

Elect-ricity.

Saturday, 12 December 2015

#1642

What kind of lung disease is caused by eating too many root vegetables?

Tuberculosis.

Friday, 11 December 2015

#1641

Why did Zeus hate show-off minor deities?

They were always trying to steal his thunder.

Thursday, 10 December 2015

#1640

What do you call a German Christmas bread which you took without paying?

Stolen (Give-it-b├Ąck).

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

#1639

What was the prisoner with an Oedipal complex served while in prison?

Freudian slop.

Tuesday, 8 December 2015

#1638

How did the group of black lovers tell their parrot that they wanted to add a white member?

"Poly want a cracker."

Monday, 7 December 2015

Sunday, 6 December 2015

#1636

Which structure in train stations consists of interwoven waiting areas?

A plait-form.

Saturday, 5 December 2015

#1635

What song did Green Day write about an unrepeatable encounter with a stopwatch?

Timer of Your Life

#1634

A: Why wasn't there a post yesterday?

B: The writer took a day off to work to be wise about stomach exercises.

A: What do you mean?

B: I just explained his ab-sense.

Thursday, 3 December 2015

#1633

As he looked around the orchard one last time, Zorro knew that he would cherry-sh these memories forever.

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

#1632

What do the British lower classes use to moisturise their lips?

Chavsticks.

Tuesday, 1 December 2015

#1631

What do you call the study of electronic plant substitutes?

Robotany.