Monday, 29 February 2016


Why is it bad to attack people's cats?

You might hurt their felines.

Sunday, 28 February 2016


What do you call the process by which the ocean moves up and down continually?


Saturday, 27 February 2016


What do you call the state of being frightened of pollution?


Friday, 26 February 2016


What should people smoke if they don't like sharp-smelling marijuana?

Smoke blunts.

Thursday, 25 February 2016


What do you call the process of rigging the Olympics?


Wednesday, 24 February 2016


What kind of frozen confectionery can be used to propel a boat?

Paddle pops.

Tuesday, 23 February 2016


What part of Sydney was named after the way it inspired rage in a monarch?

King's Cross.

Monday, 22 February 2016


Why did the police officer stop children from sleeping during the day?

Because kid-napping is illegal.

Sunday, 21 February 2016


Exhausted and disheartened, the assembly line worker struggled to solder onwards.

Saturday, 20 February 2016


How do you describe a programmer who is humble about the upgrades that they write for games?


Friday, 19 February 2016


What did the fussy cannibal say to the catering staff?

"Don't give me none of your lip."

Thursday, 18 February 2016


Why did the sniper never report failed missions?

He didn't like to miss and tell.

Wednesday, 17 February 2016


Why did the couple break up after retiring from bodybuilding?

They weren't working out any more.

Tuesday, 16 February 2016


What kind of cars do golf assistants drive?


Monday, 15 February 2016


What kind of IT work is there at a toilet store?

Cisterns management.

Sunday, 14 February 2016


What game can you play after knocking over a group of old people?

Pick up sticks.

Saturday, 13 February 2016


A: Hey, can you do me a solid?

B: Sorry, I've been constipated for a week.

Friday, 12 February 2016


What do you call the reasoning behind the distribution of food in wartime?

The rationale.

Thursday, 11 February 2016


A: Why did you give binoculars to the geese?

B: What's good for a gander is good for a goose.

Wednesday, 10 February 2016


On what day does the Catholic Church celebrate the protagonist of the Pokémon franchise?

Ash Wednesday.

Tuesday, 9 February 2016


What do you call a manipulative real estate agent?

A suite talker.

Monday, 8 February 2016


What do you call a small pile of garbage made of leftover Chinese food?

A dumpling.

Sunday, 7 February 2016

Saturday, 6 February 2016


How does a tree fetishist keep notes on his conquests?

He enters them in the log.

Friday, 5 February 2016


What kind of device can be used to decorate bedsheets?

A quilt pen.

Thursday, 4 February 2016


Which famous Parisian cabaret features burrowing insectivores as the dancers?

The Mole-in Rouge.

Wednesday, 3 February 2016


What did the bigot say when asked what kind of washing liquid he wanted?

"No Omo."

Tuesday, 2 February 2016


A: We can't do it now that the police officer has left the building.

B: That's a bit of a cop-out.

Monday, 1 February 2016


A: Apparently she rapped all the tracks the day that she lost her jobs.

B: I knew that that mixtape was fired.