Friday, 29 April 2016


Brenton was not happy with the location of his medical rounds; he felt that he had to question his placement.

Thursday, 28 April 2016


Why were the police pursuing the hay thief?

He had breached his bale.

Wednesday, 27 April 2016


When is frizzy hair sexually attractive?

When it's an afro-disiac.

Tuesday, 26 April 2016


A: I can't believe you left me dangling off that cliff?

B: I said I'm sorry. Don't get all preci-pissy about it.

Monday, 25 April 2016


What kind of quiz format is the easiest for quilt stuffers?

Fill in the blankets.

Sunday, 24 April 2016


What do you call a wig made out of the bodies of sea people?

A merkin.

Saturday, 23 April 2016


When the dessert appeared before the main meal, the diners realised that the dinner had veered off course.

Friday, 22 April 2016


Kevin felt that his premature ejaculation was the worst of his short comings.

Thursday, 21 April 2016


How do coal miners find spouses?

At carbon dating events.

Wednesday, 20 April 2016


What do you call it when someone can't see because there is fat on their glasses?

Blard vision.

Tuesday, 19 April 2016


Kim encouraged her students to share their sheet music; she had no time for petty score keeping.

Monday, 18 April 2016


After running out of breath early on, the flautist searched for a more sustainable solution.


A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was having a Pingu-themed day off.

A: That's not a good reason.

B: More like noot a good reason.

A: I will pulverise you with an ice pick.

Saturday, 16 April 2016


Why did Hitler do so well on his high school exams?

He had the solutions for finals.

Friday, 15 April 2016


The hyena licked its lips. The solitary zebra in front of it was stripe for the picking.

Thursday, 14 April 2016


Why did the lions go to Mardi Gras?

For the Pride March.

Wednesday, 13 April 2016


Why was the first Pope unable to finish his sentences?

He always Petered out.

Tuesday, 12 April 2016


Ian was impressed with Kleenex's latest developments; their new line of tissues, he felt, was not to be sneezed at.

Monday, 11 April 2016


Amelia felt insulted by her neighbours who played darts with parasols; she felt that they were always throwing shade.

Sunday, 10 April 2016


Henry the American author was known for being meticulous; he was anything if not Thoreau.

Saturday, 9 April 2016


The exercise book manufacturers were losing money uncontrollably on their new design, but couldn't escape the contract; they were in a binding spiral.


A: Where was yesterday's post? That's the third time that the schedule has been broken this month.

B: I don't know. If this gets any more infrequent it'll be updated weakly.

Thursday, 7 April 2016


After noticing a widespread fear of light rail, the community rallied to combat tramsphobia.

Wednesday, 6 April 2016


Adam the opera lover felt that hearing instruments being adjusted to Baroque pitch really lowered the tone of an event.


A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: All the bloggers were at home masturbating.

A: What? Please don't say-

B: There was a writers' stroke.

Monday, 4 April 2016


What do you call the distribution of faeces?


Sunday, 3 April 2016


What do you call it when someone is fired from their job making Hawaiian floral wreath?

Leid off.

Saturday, 2 April 2016


What do you call a tortoise that is overly protective of its partner?


Friday, 1 April 2016


What do you call a game show crossed with a cooking program?



A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was out looking for unmarried women.

A: You don't mean-

B: Yes. He went missing.