Tuesday, 31 May 2016


What do you call a busker's guitar?

An instrument of change.


A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was called to form the first of the letter sequenced British secret service groups?

A: What are you talking about?

B: He was MIA.

Sunday, 29 May 2016


What container do scientists use when experimenting with birds?

A beaker.

Saturday, 28 May 2016


The duck liked its new mask; finally, it had found something that fit the bill.

Friday, 27 May 2016


Why couldn't the mathematician prioritise his equestrian training?

He always put the Cartesian before the horse.

Thursday, 26 May 2016


How did the master thief get past security?

No one could stand against his stealy gaze.

Wednesday, 25 May 2016


Where do Irish farmers grow rice?

In Paddy fields.


A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was enjoying the fifth birthday celebrations week for our blog.

A: That's very irresponsible.

B: Yes, the fifth birthday celebrations are weak for our blog.

Monday, 23 May 2016


How do you describe the body of someone whose ribcage has been mangled?


Sunday, 22 May 2016


What do you call a forbidden marsupial?

A banned-icoot.

Saturday, 21 May 2016


What do you call it when a contortionist pleads?


Friday, 20 May 2016


Which cousin of the Yeti is the most sarcastic?

The Sass-quatch.

Thursday, 19 May 2016


Dom the computer programmer was happy to use a Java-based alternative, especially since it loaded as quick as Flash.

Wednesday, 18 May 2016


What kind of call can you make when your phone battery is dead?

A all that is free of charge.

Tuesday, 17 May 2016


"They are completely out of place," said Zannen, who could only think in terms of Mars products, "like peas in a Pod."

Monday, 16 May 2016


What do you call someone who would be able to be a superhero?


Sunday, 15 May 2016


Which hit of the alternative rock group Pieman and Garfunkel told the story of an animal shelter built entirely out of parts taken from transmission towers?

The Pound of Pylons

Saturday, 14 May 2016


How do doctors patch together damaged tissue?

With cell-o-tape.

Friday, 13 May 2016


What do you call a place of worship for the ordinary bloke in the street?

A chap-el.


A: Why was there no update yesterday?

B: The writer was pelted with orange seeds when he tried to publish it.

A: I don't even want to know what -

B: He was pipped at the post.

Wednesday, 11 May 2016


What do you call a Simpsons character who is hurt by the owner of the show's nuclear power station?

A Burns victim.

Tuesday, 10 May 2016

Monday, 9 May 2016


The landlady grew sick of her renters constantly calling her to say that they were stuck in cracks around the house; she felt that they had taken the term "lodger" too literally.

Sunday, 8 May 2016


What did the magically sentient gun do when it realised that it was killing people?

It recoiled in horror.

Saturday, 7 May 2016


What do you call the minimum number of citations required for an essay?

A quote-a.

Friday, 6 May 2016


What do you call a queue of students waiting for a whole school gathering?

An assembly line.

Thursday, 5 May 2016


What do you call a group of stockbrokers all renting together?

A share house.

Wednesday, 4 May 2016


A: Is the statistician capable of handling this variable?

B: Yes, he's very-able.

Tuesday, 3 May 2016


What document details the knowledge to be covered in an Indian cookery course?

The curry-culum.

Monday, 2 May 2016


What do you call a chain of optometrists?

A franch-eyes.

Sunday, 1 May 2016


What did the old milkmaid say when regretting her career?

"If only I could churn back time."


A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer decided to wait one day so as to make this one truly a-May-zing.