Wednesday 30 November 2016

#1996

What do fly halves drink before a game?

A kicking tea.

#1995

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer resisted an attack by a taxidermist.

A: Okay, that has nothing to do with the missing post. This time you're really not making any-

B: He couldn't be stuffed!

Monday 28 November 2016

#1994

Employer: So you want to be a comic book character?

Auditionee: Yes I do!

Employer: Well then, you're going to have to strip!

Audtionee: Oh no. My dreams and my dignity.

Sunday 27 November 2016

#1993

Judy always assumed that whatever people said to her was related to the shoreline; she had a tendency to take things littorally.

Saturday 26 November 2016

#1992

Celeste's audience was stunned by the precision of her pencil; truly, her sharpening skills were on point.

Friday 25 November 2016

#1991

What do you call a warning placed on fish eggs?

A caviart.

Thursday 24 November 2016

#1990

Lorenzo's excessive sweat kept him humble; he was known for his humidity.

Wednesday 23 November 2016

#1989

What do you call a specially granted right to access a bathroom?

A privy-lege.

Tuesday 22 November 2016

#1988

What do you call an unenjoyable food tasting experience?

A disgustation.

Monday 21 November 2016

#1987

What do you call street art that depicts mathematical functions?

Graph-iti.

Sunday 20 November 2016

#1986

What do you call a group of American soldiers shipwrecked on an island?

US maroons.

Saturday 19 November 2016

#1985

The tailor never held a grudge; he always felt that it was better to build a britch and get over it.

Friday 18 November 2016

#1984

People from countries with fiery cuisine often fall sick when travelling abroad, due to the sudden lack of spice in their diet. This is known as blandular fever.

Thursday 17 November 2016

#1983

What do you call the feeling when insects build you up but then are disappointing?

An ant-iclimax.

Wednesday 16 November 2016

#1982

The new and improved mop wiped the floor with its competitors.

Tuesday 15 November 2016

#1981

Why do churches have candles?

For the lit-urgy.

#1980

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was being initiated into a group of women who live together and embroider unusual patterns.

A: What are you-

B: He joined a sew-rarity.

Sunday 13 November 2016

#1979

What do you call someone who makes people bankrupt for a living?

A broker.

Saturday 12 November 2016

#1978

What do you call it when you remove the part of someone's brain that recognises plants?

A lobotany.

Friday 11 November 2016

#1977

What kind of turtle is the most easily frightened?

A terror-pin.

Thursday 10 November 2016

#1976

What do you call the process of carving words into a tombstone?

Engraving.

Wednesday 9 November 2016

#1975

What do you call a writer who seeks to impose power?

Author-itarian.

Tuesday 8 November 2016

#1974

What do you call a band that hits its grooves?

Funk-tional.

Monday 7 November 2016

#1973

After the Japanese attacks, concerns of sensitivity forced the US government to cancel its plan to rename Pearl Harbour as Bombay.

Sunday 6 November 2016

#1972

Which politicians primarily focus on policies surrounding jam?

Members of the Conserve-ative party.

Saturday 5 November 2016

#1971

What did the altar server say to the priest after diluting the communion wine?

"Forgive me father, for I have thinned."

Friday 4 November 2016

#1970

"So yes, I can organise a private locomotive, just for you, whenever you need it."

Ellan sighed. She was beginning to realise that the readers of her local paper, while apparently well-connected in the public transport industry, had seriously misunderstood what she meant by "seeking a personal trainer".

Thursday 3 November 2016

#1969

What do you call people who have degrees from a mail delivery service?

Post graduates.

Wednesday 2 November 2016

#1968

The workers at the unlicensed waxing clinic lived in constant fear of the fuzz.

Tuesday 1 November 2016

#1967

The presidential candidate, criticised for her sternness, attempted to soften her gaze using a tender-eyes-er.