Sunday, 31 January 2016

#1692

Where do pilots meet airport ground staff?

On the landing.

Saturday, 30 January 2016

Friday, 29 January 2016

#1690

After debating whether to steal from the sink, the thief eventually decided to take the plunger.

Thursday, 28 January 2016

#1689

Why did the crow put in extra effort at work?

it wanted a caw-porate position.

Wednesday, 27 January 2016

#1688

The Solar System can look beautiful from afar, although among many viewers, a lack of appreciation for the fourth planet from the sun mars their experience.

Tuesday, 26 January 2016

#1687

What do you a vehicle repair shop run by a mechanic with split-personality disorder?

Jekyll and hydraulics.

Monday, 25 January 2016

#1686

What do you call chairs covered with animal pelts?

Fur-niture.

Sunday, 24 January 2016

#1685

What happens to a pen if you touch its nib?

It becomes a felt tip pen.

Saturday, 23 January 2016

#1684

A: Are you glad that your appointment's been moved earlier?

B: Yes! I feel like a wait has been lifted.

Friday, 22 January 2016

#1683

What did the hermit do at the bank before leaving society forever?

Withdraw.

Thursday, 21 January 2016

#1682

What do you call the sound made by a group of people with emphysema?

A cacoughophony.

Wednesday, 20 January 2016

#1681

What do you call the act of stealing medication?

Pillfering.

Tuesday, 19 January 2016

#1680

What do you call someone who can be representative of all those with the flu?

Phlegm-blematic.

Monday, 18 January 2016

#1679

A: Do you think think the man over there with a bowl full of party beverage in his bag would be effective in a fight?

B: Well, he certainly packs a punch.

Sunday, 17 January 2016

#1678

What do you call a mobile brothel from the Middle Ages?

A whores and cart.

Saturday, 16 January 2016

#1677

What do you call the act of dropping sparkles in the street?

Glittering.

Friday, 15 January 2016

#1676

Which flower is the best romantic present for someone you want to kiss?

A two-lip.

Thursday, 14 January 2016

Wednesday, 13 January 2016

#1674

"Watch out for him. He's always wheelin' and dealin'."

The locals were wary of the owner of the camembert-themed poker club.

Tuesday, 12 January 2016

#1673

Why did the clumsy fisherman become a dubstep producer?

He realised that he was really good at dropping the bass.

Monday, 11 January 2016

#1672

After being banned from making balloon animals, the children's party entertainer felt quite deflated.

Sunday, 10 January 2016

#1671

What do bicycle vendors do at a market?

Pedal their wares.

Saturday, 9 January 2016

#1670

Did you hear about the broken people who fell in love?

They were frag-meant to be.

Friday, 8 January 2016

Thursday, 7 January 2016

#1668

The tiger gazed at the herd of zebras - they were stripe for the picking.

Wednesday, 6 January 2016

#1667

Why can't rappers work at water companies?

Their flow makes everyone sick.

Tuesday, 5 January 2016

#1666

As the owner of a successful lemonade franchise, Charlotte was known for her zest for life.

Monday, 4 January 2016

#1665

What song did Crowded House write about their repeated visits to the spice shop?

Four Seasonings In One Day

Sunday, 3 January 2016

#1664

How did the two animals who missed Noah's Ark survive the flood?

On their gi-raft.

Saturday, 2 January 2016

#1663

What do you call a wizard who can create fog out of elemental materials?

An alche-mist.

Friday, 1 January 2016

#1662

What is needed to encourage builders to construct a defensive body of water around a castle?

Moativation.