Wednesday, 30 March 2016

#1751

What do you call ornamental wire decorations on a young mare?

Filly-gree.

Tuesday, 29 March 2016

#1750

What kind of fish perform deceptive undercover operations for the fish police?

Sting rays.

Monday, 28 March 2016

#1749

The mousetrap manager was quick to an opinion; he couldn't resist making snap judgements.

Sunday, 27 March 2016

#1748

Why do students learn best when near researches working on alternatives to regular post?

Because they're in the zone of Proxy-Mail Development.

Saturday, 26 March 2016

#1747

What do you call a french fries, cheese, and gravy spread upon crackers?

Poutine on the Ritz.

#1746

A: Why wasn't there a post yesterday?

B: The writer took a break to research the effects of stretching on female reproductive systems.

A: Please don't sa-

B: He was on long cervix leave.

Thursday, 24 March 2016

#1745

The new progressive prison warden criticised the currently used chains for being excessively fetteronormative.

Wednesday, 23 March 2016

#1744

How did Annalene the seabird catcher encourage cooperation among her students?

She used a tern-taking activity.

Tuesday, 22 March 2016

#1743

What do you call it when a king interrupts an accolade for a sandwich?

A mid-knight snack.

Monday, 21 March 2016

#1742

Which US Democrat slogan called for greater engagement with the capital of Switzerland?

"Feel the Bern."

Sunday, 20 March 2016

#1741

Aaron the ice cream vendor always piled heaps onto his deluxe specials - he never missed mass on a sundae.

Saturday, 19 March 2016

#1740

As the sumo wrestler's horse reached the last turn, it dug deep - it knew that there was a lot riding on this.

Friday, 18 March 2016

#1739

Why did the atheist quadratic equation refuse to acknowledge the cubic equation?

It didn't believe in a higher power.

Thursday, 17 March 2016

#1738

Annelisa was relieved by the chance to talk to someone about her bra problems - it was good to get it off her chest.

Wednesday, 16 March 2016

#1737

Why don't fields like being watered?

It's a very irrigating process.

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

#1736

A: Did you like the new ceiling fan?

B: Yes! It thoroughly blew me away.

Monday, 14 March 2016

#1735

What do you call someone who's never seen a tree?

Twignorant.

Sunday, 13 March 2016

#1734

A: It says here that the ice cream vendor has decided to only sell vanilla in an attempt to maximise profits.

B: Well, he's not doing himself any flavours.

Saturday, 12 March 2016

#1733

What do you call a Sith Lord try to walk through a deep lake?

Darth Wader.

Friday, 11 March 2016

#1732

After the cattle started returning their uneaten hay to the farmer by means of protest, he began to worry about the negative feedback.

Thursday, 10 March 2016

#1731

Which country in the British Isles is the best at swimming and singing?

Wales.

Wednesday, 9 March 2016

#1730

Which Biblical story describes a boy who is beaten with an iron bar after wasting his father's fortune?

The prod-igal son.

Tuesday, 8 March 2016

#1729

What do you call a feeling of disgruntlement at having to mail something twice?

Resentment.

Monday, 7 March 2016

Sunday, 6 March 2016

#1727

In what kind of water are objects most buoyant?

Spring water.

Saturday, 5 March 2016

#1726

What do you call the everyday speech in A Journey To The Center Of The Earth?

The Verne-acular.

Friday, 4 March 2016

#1725

What do you call a process by which amphetamines can be made?

A meth-od.

Thursday, 3 March 2016

Wednesday, 2 March 2016

#1723

Which Disney film tells the story of Rapunzel's struggle with geometry?

Rectangled.

#1722

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: Beware the Ides of March!

A: That's the 15th.

B: Beware the Lieds of March!

A: That's not a thing.

B: Please stop the Chides of March!