Wednesday, 31 August 2016

#1905

Why don't students fall for each other when they live at the same school?

Because love knows no boarders.

Tuesday, 30 August 2016

#1904

When do electricians feel like rock stars?

When they work with power cords.

Monday, 29 August 2016

#1903

Why couldn't the children give away their old blocks?

It was impossible to Lego.

Sunday, 28 August 2016

#1902

Billy the hangman was really quite shy in his private life, but on execution days, the public only saw his flamboyant halter ego.

Saturday, 27 August 2016

Friday, 26 August 2016

#1900

What do you call an digital update that informs you when a fight between friends is over?

A no-tiff-ication.

#1899

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The special effects department was on strike.

A: We don't have a special-

B: There were delays in post production.

Wednesday, 24 August 2016

#1898

What do you call a union protesting about changes to workers' rights that they think might happen in the future?

A preemptive strike.

Tuesday, 23 August 2016

#1897

Would do you call a person's dreams of becoming a smoker?

Ash-pirations.

Monday, 22 August 2016

#1896

What do you call mucking around by the edge of a window?

Being sill-y.

#1895

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer took a day off to consider monetising this blog, in order to make us appreciate it more.

A: Why would that-

B: Adsense makes the heart grow fonder.

Saturday, 20 August 2016

#1894

What television show details the adventures of a group of fine arts and memorabilia specialists driven to a psychotic frenzy?

Frantics Roadshow.

Friday, 19 August 2016

#1893

What do you call a massive number of antelopes?

A gazelle-ion.

Thursday, 18 August 2016

#1892

What did the announcer say when the dried herbs were ready to be judged?

"It's crunch thyme."

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

#1891

What do you call an independent, self-managed clerk who organises transactions between fishermen and the public?

A shoal trader.

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Monday, 15 August 2016

#1889

If the ferryman won't carry you across the river Styx, how can you get to Hades?

In a hell-icopter.

Sunday, 14 August 2016

#1888

What do you call an independent, self-managed clerk who manages deals with the devil?

A soul trader.

Saturday, 13 August 2016

#1887

What do you call artificial gas processing micro-sacs designed for human lungs?

Valve-oli.

Friday, 12 August 2016

Thursday, 11 August 2016

#1885

What did the wrestler say after reversing a hold?

"I guess the choke's on you."

Wednesday, 10 August 2016

#1884

Which British prime minister fixed all the roofs at trading events in public squares?

Market Thatcher.

Tuesday, 9 August 2016

#1883

Which John Denver song was told from the perspective of a government statistician?

"You fill up my census..."

Monday, 8 August 2016

Sunday, 7 August 2016

#1881

To the socially conscious narrator, the lack of any great surge in action to lower carbon emissions seemed distinctly anti-climatic.

Saturday, 6 August 2016

#1880

What do you call it when derision has gotten out of hand?

Running a-mock.

Friday, 5 August 2016

#1879

What feminine hygiene product is made out of chocolate biscuit by-products?

Tim-Tampons.

Thursday, 4 August 2016

#1878

What do you call the destruction of a cabbage-based salad?

Slaw-ter.

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

#1877

Which companion of Robin Hood was in charge of plastic surgery for the Merry Men?

Friar Nip-and-Tuck.

Tuesday, 2 August 2016

#1876

What was the favourite garment of the Greek god of healing?

A polo.

Monday, 1 August 2016

#1875

Why did the plumber give the greengrocer an enormous quote?

There were leeks all over his shop.