Friday, 24 February 2017

#2082

What kind of pen only writes in one language?

An Ara-BIC.

Thursday, 23 February 2017

#2081

What do you call it when one dog asks another dog to get married?

A pro-paws-al.

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

#2080

What do you call the section of the underworld in which sugar-free dieters are forced to consume sweets?

Caram-hell.

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

#2079

What kind of baked good tends to fall off cliffs?

Lemming-tons.

Monday, 20 February 2017

#2078

What is a computer programmer's favourite herb?

Parse-ley.

Sunday, 19 February 2017

#2077

What product is the most difficult for greengrocers to transport?

Cucumbersome.

#2076

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was feeling lack-a-day-sical.

Friday, 17 February 2017

#2075

What is the best thing about people who don't own books?

They are often shelfless.

Thursday, 16 February 2017

#2074

Early supporters of emails viewed the defendants of alternate methods of digital transmission as a dying faxtion.

Wednesday, 15 February 2017

#2073

Why did the jail warden have perfect skin?

He was an expert at preventing breakouts.

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

#2072

What kind of poison can be made with printer ink?

Cyanide.

Monday, 13 February 2017

Sunday, 12 February 2017

#2070

What do you call a mattress upon which you can lie more than once?

Re-lie-able.

Saturday, 11 February 2017

#2069

Why did the manicurist go to the gym?

---

A: Hold on, aren't we going to talk about the fact that the last two days were both posts for the previous? What happened?

B: The writer was trying to increase his muscle mass.

A: How does a three day backlog on the schedule serve-

B: He wanted to get buffer.

#2068

A: Why was there no post yesterday as well?

B: There was a post yesterday.

A: Yes, but it was just about why there wasn't a post the day before.

B: Because yesterday, the writer decided to create purely theatre.

A: How can you possibly explain-?

B: All of these subsequent explanation dialogues were just post-scripts.

Friday, 10 February 2017

#2067

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was changing from a preferential voting system.

A: That makes no-

B: Yesterday was the first past the post.

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

#2066

How do forest-guarding creatures achieve their potential?

With elf-help books.

Tuesday, 7 February 2017

#2065

"I feel so peaceful, coach."

"A bit sleepy, though, coach."

Sixtus gazed glumly from his star quarterback to the rest of his team, who were staggering into each other and giggling. He sighed.

"I said, get into the end zone. Not the Endone, the end zone."

Monday, 6 February 2017

#2064

What do you call someone who makes sly plans involving decorative arts?

Crafty.

Sunday, 5 February 2017

#2063

Darren regretted having his bathroom designed by toddlers; the resulting design was very infant-tile.

Saturday, 4 February 2017

#2062

What fruit is favoured by supporters of circular logic in categorical imperative philosophy?

Kant-e-loop.

Friday, 3 February 2017

#2061

What do you call an ill-humoured lever operator?

Cranky.

Thursday, 2 February 2017

#2060

The lingerie model tried desperately to stop playing video games, but she had an ass that wouldn't quit.

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

#2059

What do you call people who must return to an Asian island after finding Jesus?

Borneo-again Christians.